VendM 034: Dealing with Alligators

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

Dealing with Alligators

The boar cargo cart came to a stop due to a cave-in in the rocky mountains; lying down on top of the cart’s canopy, lying fully stretched out, is a man.

FUAAAAaaa. We’re about to enter those guys’ habitat, so you guys, look sharp, yo-“

“Then, I think Leader should come down from the top of the canopy.”

“Maybe I should stab him with my spear from underneath.”

I think it’s a good idea. Nice suggestion, Red-White twins.

Two days have passed since we left the community, and we’re now facing the third day. It’s now a time when the star that I believe to be like the sun has reached it’s zenith overhead, and it seems we are now about to enter the gakujinma’s (alligator men) territory.

“Leader, enough already; I want you to come down at once. We need to scout and investigate, right?”

“’Ka-y. For crying out loud, what a short-tempered Vice-Leader.”

Holding down his hat with his right hand so it doesn’t go flying, Leader Keryoil jumped down. It’s frustrating, but with that movement, I thought he looked cool for a second.

“N, then, Red and White. We’re counting on you to scout ahead.”


“Aye aye sir-“

So these two are in charge of scouting, huh?
Just by looks, I thought they’d be the kind of characters who would be in charge of raising the spirits of the rear guards, though. Hooray, hooray; the types that would be the ones to say that type of thing.

Even though their faces aren’t bad, because of their frivolous tone and way too laidback dispositions, it seems like Ramis and Hyurumi won’t fall for them even by mistake.

As for weapons, Red has a somewhat short spear. White has a short sword. Their equipment has the feel of a business shirt made out of a heavy material; the color is a faded brown. They’ve been used quite a bit, it seems.

O-, their expressions went straight all of a sudden. Their eyes have sharpened, and the atmosphere they had about them changed in a second. If they were always like this, they’d probably be popular with women.

Taking a low stance, the two disappeared into the tall grass. Just walking in a wetland should make it hard to take a step, but they’re moving without even a sound. Completely different from their looks, they’re excellently capable people, huh?

“Alright then, now we wait leisurely for some time. Hakkon, are there any tasty snacks?”

“The sweet tea for me”


So it’s Leader and Vice-Leader’s relaxation time. They don’t have even a fraction of worry. The other short hair, female brigade member that was there only fine-tunes her bow; there’s not a single concern towards the two that disappeared. Is it trust that they have?

Ramis leans on me from the backside, and, seemingly feeling good, takes a nap. Hyurumi seems interested in the construction of the can, so she swigged it all in one gulp and fidgeted with it and turned it over, writing things down in a notepad.

They’re way too defenseless in this area where the gakujinma roam, but their abilities are top notch. There’s probably no need for me to keep an eye out. However, I never want to make the mistake from before due to carelessness again.

The sun is about halfway set, and the each of the Fools of Whimsy Brigade began to make preparations for camping. Ramis wanted to help, but she was gently refused. With her super-human strength, the fixtures and tools would be broken, so I guess they’re being cautious against that.
She sits next to me looking slightly lonely, so I give her a present of hot milk tea.

Don’t be so bothered by it, it’s fine to be cared for. Look at Hyurumi; she’s over there with her belly showing, full-heartedly scratching while fast asleep … it’s better if you don’t imitate that.

“We’re back, yo –“

“We’re home-“

Uo-, that scared me. Exactly when were the Red-White twins standing, lined up, next to me? It’s unknown whether a vending machine has the ability to detect presences, but I completely didn’t notice them at all.

“Leader. We checked around.”

“Good job. We’ll be having dinner in a bit, so before that, go ahead.”

“Aye aye sir-. Uuum, it’s probably about 2 hours northeast from here, na, Red?”

“Seems like, na, White. There’s a small bog there, with about 30 of them splish-splashing around in there.”

So they call each other Red and White too. It’s kind of a careless report, but is it going to be ok with that; I’m a bit worried.

“So there’s 30 gathered; with that much in a flock, how’s it?”

The Leader’s gaze went towards Hyurumi, who was now examining the material of a plastic bottle immediately after waking up.

N-, it’s a flock if it’s over ten, it’s on the big side if it fifty, but it’s less you say. If it be thirty, than it a mid-sized flock. What’s the size of a single one?”

N-to, standing up, it’s about our size, na White.”

“Yup, Red. I thought it was overall the same.”

They’re a little shorter than me, so about 175; they’re quite the large-sized creature. If I take the approximation from the frogmen and apply it to alligators, the spine will extend and it will walk on 2 legs; if the arms and legs are about that long, than it seems it will be kinda slow.

“It seems a bit shorter than usual. It usually about two meters in height. If the frogs increased but the flock didn’t, then it could be they didn’t attack and were short on food … naw, if there’s thirty around, then they could manage against a group of about 100.”

So you mean, if we figure it simply, that means the alligatormen have three times the power of the frogmen. It’s an alligator, with hard skin that can be used as armor, and the tail and gigantic mouth make splendid weapons. It’s not a mystery where that increase in power comes from.

“We aren’t specialists on the hierarchy of this level, so we don’t really understand. The gakujinma(alligatormen), I guess they are the strongest of the three great powers on this level. If the kaerujinma(frogmen)increased, then the food increases, so shouldn’t it be hip hip hooray for them?”

“If ya think about it normally. But this time there be a King kaerujinma. It’s unknown as to how a King comes around, but that thing has stupid-ass fighting power, so it’s a problem when it’s commanding a group. They gather together small groups and wrangle in the stragglers.”

“So what you mean is, the gakujinma aren’t going to carelessly lay their hands on that. And the jyasouma (double-headed snake) too, that’s why it would prefer to go after the community.”

A-, that was something I was curious about. Normally, jyasoumas are things that go about acting alone, being large creatures that measure two meters front to back is what I heard.

“After a jyasouma eats, it sheds and then repeats and gets bigger; that’s the kind of creature it is. Just, it got meat that’s a fine-quality item that you can get high prices for, so there’s a lot of Hunters that go after them. They prowl around alone, so they the best prey.”

So the kaerujinma(frogmen) are targeted by gakujinma(alligatormen) and jyasouma(double-headed snake).
The jyasouma (double-headed snake) is aimed at by the Hunters.
The gakujinma(alligatormen) is … neglection play?

Maa, so it that. Their food all gathered to the King’s side, the jyasouma ate the few stragglers left behind, and they got so big that it be hard to do something against them. And then, ain’t it that their food dwindled and so they got weaker?”

“I see now-. Well then, isn’t it better if we don’t do anything in particular and don’t meddle in it?”

“Leader. The gakujinma are meat eaters, right? If their food supply is gone right now, to quell the starvation, exactly what do you think they will attack?”

Maa, it would be us humans, huh? Alright then, let’s wipe ‘em all out.”

Exactly what will happen to this level’s ecosystem then? If the monsters are completely wiped out, would it be that they just disappear from the level? Or would it be some kind of mysterious dungeon power that will bring forth an outbreak?
If I asked Hyurumi I’m sure she’d happily teach me, but I don’t have a way to ask the question.

“That’s true. If we wipe out the flocks near the community, there should be no problems.”

Vice-Leader Filmina agrees with him, on this rare occasion.

Oh yeah, the Seiryu Lake’s level is something you can’t reach from one end to another within three weeks. I can understand that there’d be no problems if we wipe out the flocks within 2, 3 days of the community.

“And so, seriously, what should we do? The request was to bring back information on the flocks, see. We don’t have to particularly go out of our way to defeat any; our pay is still guaranteed.”

“But the materials off of them sell for a lot. We can lend a hand in weakening the main force by reducing some of them. The materials can sell for a lot, you know.”

Are, Vice-Leader Filmina is strangely proactive. E, is the Fools of Whimsy Brigade going through a management crisis?

“Vice-Leader’s always someone who argues when it comes to money, na.”

“Even though she’s usually someone who’s calm and collected, na.”

“Previously, even though I didn’t eat all that much, she got so mad.”

The brigade members gathered together and exchanged words in low voices.

So this is just the miserly potential, huh … but next to the careless-seeming Leader, you’d become strict concerning money. Just looking at him, I think it seems like a tough position to be in.

“Deciding to subjugate them aside, how to do it? Do the stereotypical night assault?”

“I think ya should avoid that. Gakujinma be nocturnal creatures. They get more ferocious at night.”

“He-, is that so.”

He-, so it’s like that. A-, Ramis said that. Seriously, Hyurumi’s a walking encyclopedia.

The ecology of alligators… Previously, when I went to the zoo to see an animal-feed vending machine, when I peeked into the alligator corner, what was it that was written there?

If I remember right, alligator feed is … I think I have memories of seeing it written as fish and chicken meat. Vending machines don’t deal with raw meats. Fish … as boiled paste … so, chikuwa aside, there aren’t any.

As for other characteristics, a-, there’s talk about the frogmen being weak in winter, so alligatormen should also be weaker in the cold. Alligators are cold-blooded, so the possibility is there.

In the first place, they were saying that we should scout out the alligatormen before they entered their active period. Right now we’re just about to enter spring and the temperature has risen. Cold weather, huh … are, I can do that, can’t I?

“So then, tonight we’ll fully rest our bodies and tomorrow morning we’ll make our move. We’ll crush every single one that moves away from the flock and make it flashy zo-“

“That’s right. Then, since we’re going in tomorrow, let’s make dinner. Red and White, please be the look-outs.”

Eee–. Even though we just got back from all that scouting just now.”

“Oppression – . Leader, requesting better working conditions –“

“Yeah yeah, I’ll help out too, so let’s go.”

Going between the twins who are expressing their dissatisfaction and winding her arms through theirs, the archer woman drags them off.

After finishing off the meal made by the ingredients I offered, Ramis and Hyurumi came forward with a request about keeping watch, and I went along with their request. I tentatively switched the vending machine’s light off.

“So the fight’s tomorrow. That bein’ the case, I ain’t gonna be any help. Ramis and Hakkon too, don’t overdo it. It be possible that your opponents will be more vicious ‘cause of starvation. If it gets wicked bad, Hakkon, protect with Barrier.”


“I’ll be relying on you, Hakkon.”

You got it. Protection related business is my business. I have more than enough points by quite a bit, so when the time comes, I’ll sink them all into defense.

“If I can do anythin’ ta help, that would be good, na.”(Hyurumi)

A, that’s right The method I just thought of, if it’s Hyurumi, I bet she could guess it. Anyway, let’s try it out and see.

“If we’re talking about the gakujinma’s weaknesses … O-, what’s up, Hakkon? You be another weird-ass shape.”

I’ve become a slimmer shape than usual; my body is mostly white, and on top of that, the letters [ICE] have floated to the surface. My retrieval opening is much bigger, enough space for a small bucket to easily enter.

“I wonder what this sells. Hakkon never transforms without a reason, ne.”

You understand me, ne, Ramis. As for what I’m selling, as soon as you see the goods you’ll understand.

I operate the vending machine, and down dropped ice cubes into the opening. This is, usually placed in supermarkets and fish markets, an ice vending machine.

O-, this is ice, huh? If it was summer, this would make a killin’, I bet.”

Fuwa, it’s so cold. But, putting ice out like this, I wonder what we should do with it.”

“If we follow the flow of the conversation just now, this ice is to help defeat the gakujinma.

“It must be to throw it-!”

It’s a very Ramis idea, but that one’s “Too bad”.

“Ice, the gakujinma, and their ecology; if it’s like this, there bee only one answer. Hakkon, can ya put out all this frozen stuff like fool gone crazy?”


“So that be it. Ain’t this going to be interesting?”

Ne, ne, I want to know too, so tell me-!”

A, Ramis, who couldn’t follow the discussion, puffed out her cheeks and sulked.

I’ll leave the detailed explanation to Hyurumi. Because I can’t bend over to listen to what’s being said … I’ll entrust it to you. In exchange, I’ll keep doing my best to keep watch.

Whiling watching over them, trying to soothe Ramis, I expand my omni-directional field of vision to the maximum it can go and, before she’s pacified, I do the watch on my own.

The next day, Hyurumi explained the plan to the Fools of Whimsy Brigade, and since they were all for it, they’re going to cooperate with us. With the Red-White twins leading the way, we reached the banks of the brook that flowed into the pond, and once I was situated there, I poured ice into it.

The brook can’t be more than thirty centimeters in width looking at it, so the volume of water isn’t significant, but it’s the perfect conditions for the ice to float on the surface of the water and flow in.

Saa, keep it going. Maa, I have my doubts as to how much this ice will be able to lower the water’s temperature, but for my plans for the bog, it shouldn’t matter too much. It’s early spring, so the water should still be cold enough so that the ice shouldn’t melt much. The bog the alligatormen live in is shallow, so like that the water temperature should lower … if it manages to work like that, that’d be great.

The time when the gakujinma are in the water is the absolute worst to have, so if the water temperature is low enough that they don’t want to leave the bog, it seems that would help out a lot. Like that, the ice is going to be a great play to make.

*Clack clack* with clinking noises the ice was emitted in huge quantities. The conversion from Points to ice is really light, so even if I continued to put it out for about an hour, there would be no feeling of sacrifice.

And with this, if the temperature goes down a little bit and make those guys move weaker, that is also a profit. If it makes Ramis’ battles easier, just this amount of expenditure is cheap spending.

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<T/n: Thank you Dvang4 and MK for your donations!
Grumble grumble; because Hakkon calls them “frogmen/alligatormen” but everyone else uses different terms that the author wrote out the pronunciations for, I decided to translate it this way in prev chapters, but with this confusing ecosystem talk, I wonder if I shouldn’t have thought better of it.
I dunno, I like the Red-White twins. I think Hakkon’s just harsh on men. He so jealous of their … living… ness.
Sorry for the delay, got super worn out… introvert who can moonlight as a pseudo-extrovert in a wedding party … sooo tired.>



    1. the problem is the author uses multiple terms in Japanese. Hakkon is the only one who says frogmen/alligatormen. The others use something different


  1. Thanks for the chapter.

    Hakkon should be a little more sensitive when it comes to money so that he can buy the mobility option. I can’t wait for him to start moving along with the return of Ramis’ teacher to improve her control, it would be like a swordsman and his sword but in this case, its just a semi-indestructible blunt weapon and a strong girl


    1. His speech is working exactly as it was designed to, there is nothing to fix.

      You want her to rip appart a magic tool that works by an unknown process to generate unlimited food and items from normal currency because you want it to have more options to speak with?

      She is a magic-tools genius because she knows how to use and manipulate magic tools, not how to make and modify them. That would be a magic-tools engineer, assuming they exist and magic tools are not just drop items in the dungeon.


  2. The sun is about halfway set, and “the” each of the Fools of Whimsy Brigade began to make preparations for camping.

    They prowl around alone, so they “are” the best prey.

    The gakujinma(alligatormen) is … neglection play?
    The gakujinma(alligatormen) is … “neglect” play?

    Maa, so it that.
    Maa, so “it’s” that.

    I had a hard time telling who was talking sometimes.

    good job and thank you


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