VendM 035: Alligator Killing

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

Alligator Killing

“Leader. The gakujinma are getting up onto the bank. It looks like they’re shivering because it’s cold, yo-. Seems like they’re lying down listlessly.” (Red)

When Red, who had gone to scout the situation of the bog, came back, he gave his report.
Leader Keryoil, sprawled on top of a large rock, said, “Good job,” lifting a hand.

“It looks like a good situation, but even if you say they can’t move, the other ones of those guys will respond if we attack. Vice-Leader, is it possible to use Fog Magic to obstruct their vision?”(Keryoil)

“It’s not like I can’t, but if you wanted me to cover the entire bog, it’s impossible.”(Fulmina)

Oo, Fog Magic huh? Mist floating above a bog has an elegant sound to it, na.

I would definitely love to see it, but the area it needs to effect is too big, huh? If you want an outbreak of fog in the swamp, then this time, if I use that, I can lend a hand.

“Then, what are we going to do? Split those guys apart … watcha doing, Hakkon?” (Keryoil)

Seeing me changing my form, Leader Keryoil’s hat slid down. This time’s form change is the type that has a silver body with a transparent door attached halfway up.

Upon opening the door, the contents in there is a silver tube, from which a white mass dropped. From that a white vapor rose and ascended; it was all contained inside.

N, what is this? It’s too cloudy to be ice. It’s something like snow clumped together and hardened?”(Keryoil)

Since he’s curious, Leader jumped off of the big rock and brought his face close to the white clump, peering at it. When he went to poke it with his finger, I dropped more of THAT and said a “Too bad.”

“Leader-san. I think Hakkon might be trying to say that you shouldn’t touch that, na.”(Red/White)

“If you touch it with your bare hands, it might be dangerous, I think.” (White/Red)

“Welcome.” (Hakkon)

The two are correct. It would be easier to show them than explain, so I dropped more and more like crazy; the white clumps that overflowed from my retrieval opening fell into the river.
The moment it touched the water, the white clump erupted in huge plumes of vapor.

“Uo-, what the!? Smoke is coming out like crazy!”(Keryoil)

Leaping to the side, away from right in front of me, he stared at the white smoke emitting and streaming from the white clumps – – the dry ice. That was a great reaction, Leader.

I think everyone’s played with dry ice, putting it in water to emit white vapor, at least once. With this I think it could be a substitute for mist, but what do you guys think?

“Hakkon-san. This is amazing! With this, mixed with my Fog Magic, we might be able to cover the whole bog area!” (Fulmina)

“Ain’t you so capable, Hakkon. Can’t expect any less from the magic tool I got my eye on.” (Hyurumi)

“Much more useful than Leader, ne.” (Fulmina)

“Guwa-!” (Keryoil)

With Fulmina the Vice-Leader’s cold-hearted declaration, Leader clasped a hand to his chest and fell back.

“Mou, we should hurry up and make Hakkon the Leader.” (White)

“That’s a really good idea, White. The name ‘Fools of Whimsy Brigade’ is a lame name too, so let’s change it to the cuter sounding ‘Hakkon Brigade.’” (Red)

“Y,you guys, I really wracked my brains to come up with that; to think that that’s what you really think about a name just overflowing with good taste-.” (Keryoil)

As Red and White continued the harsh pursuit, Leader resisted them.

“Well, I mean, it’s whimsical fools –ssuyo. Since the ‘Hakkon Brigade’ sounds cute, it seems like it would be popular with girls. If Hakkon-san becomes the leader, I’d be able to eat all I want, ne! I’m in agreement!”(Shui)


The female brigade member finished him off. Leader crouched, hitting the ground. How pitiful.

“Alright, alright. Let’s leave the horsing around at that. Leader, don’t give in to your inferiority complex and give out your orders.”(Fulmina)

Ke-, you guys do whatever you’re supposed to and defeat them. Your useless Leader is just going to watch over here while drinking sweet tea.” (Keryoil)

Aa, he’s kicking a rock on the riverbank; it’s easy to see that he’s sulking. Are you a child?
What this Leader said didn’t pass at all, and his brigade members dragged him off.

“Uum, I want to go too, but we can’t just leave Hakkon behind here, ne. Then, can you watch house here, Hyurumi?” (Ramis)


“Ya, don’t worry, just go. If it get dangerous, get back here.” (Hyurumi)

Un, I’m off, ne-“ (Ramis)

While I still have the duty to continue to drop dry ice I can’t move from here, but it makes me uneasy to not be together. She’s only weak against opponents who hunt in big groups, so I think she’d only get done in if she’s careless, but I’m worried if she’s not there at my back.

“Maa, don’t get so worried. The Fools of Whimsy Brigade be an amazing Hunter brigade. They also know when to quit. If it gets bad, they’ll get back over here.”(Hyurumi)

As she bang bang strikes my body, she seems to have apprehensions too.

I will believe that it will be fine. I have to concentrate on my own job or else. Dropping the dry ice in the brook, I can’t do anything but stare in the direction that the disappears in the midst of the overflowing mist.

“I’m bored, Hakkon.” (Hyurumi)

“Welcome.” (Hakkon)

One person and one box who are bad in combat can’t do anything but this. I have to continue sending down dry ice, but even though I was reincarnated into another world, I don’t have any fighting techniques; it leaves an unforgivable feeling.

“I’m just gonna blabber because I’m bored, so keep me company.” (Hyurumi)

“Welcome.” (Hakkon)

“This time I got the task of reconnaisance, but I wanna talk about the request I got directly from the President. The request is, recently Seiryu Lake’s level be acting weird so investigate. That’s how it is. If this time the gakujinma are bein’ weird too, then we gotta be wary.” (Hyurumi)

The King Frog and the over-sized giant snake. I might not be an original citizen of this world, but even I realize that the state of things is weird. Furthermore, I also think there’s something or other about the gakujinma.

“I don’t think Hakkon knows, but each level has some existence ya call the Ruler. Ya have to defeat that in order to be able to unlock the next level. It that happens, once the level’s Ruler gets defeated, it’s rare for it not to revive. But the revival is pretty rare. We don’t get the requirements even today, but there are even some times when it takes several years, or even several tens of years.”(Hyurumi)

Ruler, huh? The boss character that often appears on the level of a dungeon. In front of the stairs that connect down to the next level, in front of doors, it’s an existence that lies in wait.

“And so, the President thinks that all this mess be from the Ruler reviving. The Leader from the Fools of Whimsy Brigade are also saying this. That’s why if there’s any hint of something seriously wrong, they’ll retreat without even considerin’ anything else. Oh yeah, if ya beat that Ruler, rumor has it you can get your hands on some awesome treasure, although that’s a lie.” (Hyurumi)

This time’s reconnaissance is quite the important task. But I wonder what kind of creature this level’s Ruler is. A frog, alligator, snake mix chimera?

As you’d think, being really big is the standard for that. It’s probably over 5 meters in body length, I bet. If there’s a spot where I can observe safely, I’d like to check it out.

If the Ruler really did revive, it might be better to consider moving to another level or above ground. Maa, I’ll have to leave all of that up to these two girls as well.
I’m interested in the existence called the Ruler, but right now, Ramis’ safety … thinking of it, I’m uneasy, thinking that something is going to go wrong.

“But ya know, no matter what, there ain’t much risk for us pullin’ the attentions of the Ruler.”(Hyurumi)

Hyurumi, we call that a flag dazo. If I keep that bad premonition to myself, it won’t happen so I’ll be careful.
Understanding that, I didn’t let out even one retort, but that thought immediately disappeared.

“What is this shaking …”(Hyurumi)

Bit by bit, the part of me that was connected to the ground transmitted the sensation of vibrations. There’s nothing but bad premonitions, but I direct my line of sight to the origin of the sound – – I can see the boar cart stampeding in this direction. The canopy of the cart has been completely destroyed, so the people inside are completely visible.

In the driver’s seat are the red and white-haired twins. Behind them with a flustered face is Leader. And then, facing behind them is the archer Shui and Vice-Leader Fulmina firing arrows and magic.
Ramis is, where is Ramis!? Right now, in the range of view I have, Ramis’ figure is … there-!
She’s deposited in the back of the cart, and her eyes are closed and she’s not moving. I,is she ok!?

“Oi oi oi, you’ve got to be kidding me! Shit, we were right on the money. The Ruler’s come out-!” (Keryoil)

Ruler!? If I could say what I wanted, I’d yell that out right back at him.
The thing that Hyurumi’s been staring dumbly at since a while ago is, chasing after the boar cart, a small mountain.
I’m not trying to be funny. There is something that I can’t think of as anything else but a small mountain that’s chasing after those guys from behind.

You wouldn’t be able to see the boar carts figure; if you pulled back and looked at it from far away to see the whole thing, that’s how absurdly big this thing is. The full form is a giant alligator. It’s just, you have to ignore that it has eight legs and four eyes.

The bottoms of those feet alone are enough to completely hide the boar cart, that’s how enormous they are. I expected it to be big, but this way exceeds the norm. People are supposed to be able to beat this thing!?
With the eight legs, rather than lessening the vibrations, it’s like it’s to the extent that my vending machine body is floating.

“Aa, shit. It awakened to the point of breaking the level-!” (Hyurumi)

Hyurumi spat that out with great annoyance. Her gaze is on the crack running through the ground in front of the chaser; I can see light spilling out from it. So that’s the “breaking the level” she’s talking about, huh?
I don’t really get it, but at the very least, I understand that it’s nothing good.

Wh,what should we do? The boar cart is running full out in this direction. They might be able to recover Hyurumi, but the time they have to pick me up is … none.
Then, it’s decided that I’m going to do what I can to send her off-!

“Ramis is just unconscious, she’s okay! Hyurumi, reach over! Grab my hand-!”(Keryoil)

“And what we gonna do about Hakkon!? Ya saying we should leave him-!?” (Hyurumi)


I answer the question that was directed at Leader.

Hyurumi stared dumbly at me. I activate <Barrier>, and because Hyurumi was close to me, she was pushed away.

“Hakkon, what’s the meaning of this-!” (Hyurumi)

“Sorry about this, Hakkon. After this, we will definitely come back to pick you up!” (Keryoil)

Running past me, Leader Keryoil stretched his upper body out over the cart and grabbed hold of Hyurumi – – and bowing his head, he apologized.

“God fucking dammit, let go of me! Hakkon, Hakko-n!” (Hyurumi)

“Come back again.” (Hakkon)

Towards their receding backs, I let loose words of parting, putting on a front.

For Ramis to have only lost consciousness in this misfortune, I think we were probably lucky. If it was her, she would probably have jumped from the cart and remained behind with me.
With this, everything was decided. I can’t fight as a vending machine, but I should be able to act as a decoy at least!
Form change!

My body stretched out straight forward, reaching three meters. I changed my body to a color that really stands out, and lined up cola as my only product. This vending machine was a big vending machine installed at a certain theme park, a thing where if you don’t come with two people, with one of them acting as a step stool, you wouldn’t be able to reach to purchase anything.

The giant, eight-legged alligator drawing closer had its eyes on the boar cart, but when all of a sudden an eye-catching, large thing appeared, its interest was stolen away.
All four of its eyes are resting on me. In order to further attract its attention over here, I set my recording sound to the maximum volume.

“Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.” (Hakkon)

With my loud voice echoing all over, the eight-legged alligator reacted. It’s glare filled with bloodlust stabbed into my iron body. Oo, it’s scary. What will I do if my products freeze over?

As it closed in, my field of vision was dyed in the color of the eight-legged alligator’s skin. It’s a black lightly flecked with green, a speckled like color that buried my field of vision. This wetland specialist blows through the mud; it will probably reach me in a few tens of seconds.

I can wager on the <Barrier> that withstood the cave-in of debris, but if it pierces through the Barrier, it will be over in an instant. To add to that, I raised Endurance from 100 to 200, and Defense from 30 to 50.
10,000 and 9,000 points were spent, but it might be a pointless struggle, na.1

I stare at the way-too-big leg that is approaching right before my eyes; the me who has given up on close observations was – – ignoring gravity, blown backwards.

《Points have been decreased by 1,000.》

Uoooo-, that sensation like being pulled over to the back, that was this guy sending me flying with a kick, huh? I’m a vending machine but I flew through the sky … wait, this ain’t the time to be thinking that!

I was blown through the sky several tens of meters, and crashing into a large rock stopped my movement. Thanks to Barrier there’s no damage, but what’s with the 1,000 point reduction? Wasn’t Barrier 1 point consumption for every second? Even that time when it blocked out all the rubble it didn’t show this kind of thing.

So when <Barrier> takes a stupidly strong attack that surpasses its strength, by consuming a large amount of points, Barrier can preserve itself one way or another.
The rock has a Barrier-shaped dent. If I took that attack as something with flesh and blood, I’d vanish without a scrap of evidence remaining.
More and more, it’s losing interest in chasing after Ramis and the others.

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  1. Literally, like pouring water on a hot stone. It means, it might be a useless action.

<T/n: Thanks Egg and Junior1210 for your donations!
Well. That escalated quickly.
I feel like my fluffy slice of life just got violated by an alligator.>




  1. Meatbun delivery~
    Thank you for the chapter ( ●w●)

    Somehow.. i feel something is odd.. how does hakkon buy a product from the tall cola vending machine in the previous life? He said it needs 2 people to buy something right?


    1. 1. Get swallowed.
      2. Change shape to something with sharp edges that is too big to fit in stomach.
      3. Stomach tears open.
      4. Hakkon changes back to small size and goes back to big size again to tear up more locations.
      5. Hakkon continues bouncing around inside monster as it thrashes tearing up more organs.
      6. Release more dry ice to cause yet more burns.
      7. Profit.
      8. Profit.
      9. Profit


    1. The Myth-busters (before they became the Myth-busters and did special effects) for a 7-up commercial made a vending machine with tank treads that shot out soda cans like a tank… THIS


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