VendM 037: Falling

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma


The ground split and crumbled.

Together with the earth, I’m in the middle of a nosedive. Looking upwards I see a ceiling of earth; up there, holes are opening up everywhere. Those holes aren’t that big, so even though I fell, the eight-legged alligator’s bones cover up the holes from above, and so it seems they were spared from free-falling.

And then, turning my eyes below, there are clouds. Because I have Barrier affixed to me, there’s no feeling of air pressure, but … I can understand that I’m falling at a tremendous speed!
Eeeeee-, once you fall out of the ground there’s a sky, it’s fantasy alright!
Uooooo-, we’re so high you can’t see the ground, eeee-, aaa-, c,c,calm down!
First I should figure out the present circumstance. You need to understand your own situation!

The place is, in the middle of the clouds!
The situation is, in the middle of falling!
The result is, destruction by crashing!

So this is the end … it’s like I’m giving up completely. Before I crash into the ground, I still have time. Let’s put my head to work. To find a way to break through this situation of complete despair.
The only thing I can do is change my functions. If I apply all my vending machine abilities at full power, somehow, somehow, I’ll pull through?

For a free-fall, reducing the falling speed would be good. In that case, the most suitable vending machine for this is. This one-!
I pick out the <Balloon Vending Machine> from out of my functions, and change my body.

Previously they used to be put out a lot on the rooftop squares of department stores and in playgrounds, but now it seems that they’re only put in old-feeling game centers, about.

It’s a yellow body for the base with a glass window; In front if it is uninflated balloons hanging limply there. To buy, select the color you want from among them, put in the coins, and then the balloon with automatically be inflated.

-wait, I don’t got the time to give you an explanation! As for color, I don’t care; if I don’t mass-produce balloons-.

After setting the balloons, gas starting flowing into them. The red balloons got steadily bigger – – -tte, if it’s like this, there’s not enough time by a lot. Can’t I make them more quickly? A way to raise the speed … If I raise my Speed in the Status, would I be able to up my filling speed!?
Even if it’s useless from the get-go, since I don’t have the time, let’s try it.

《Would you like to consume 10,000 Points to increase Speed by 10? 》

Yes, please!

There’s a feeling like something entered my body. The speed the balloons are filling is … O-, I can tell it’s going faster just by looking. It’s become about twice as fast as before. If that’s the case, then I’ll raise it even further.

《Would you like to consume 20,000 Points to raise Speed by 10?》

The price hike is pretty awful, ne. Dammit, you point bastard, you better watch yourself at night. You can’t escape peril without some sacrifices; another 10 up.

It’s like watching it in fast-forward; every two seconds, one balloon is completed. The finished balloons are stopped inside the barrier, so the barrier’s interior is packed with balloons.
Breaking through the clouds, I can begin to see the landscape below, but … what is it, that? A giant, complicated maze? Oh yeah, Ramis was talking about something about the levels. I think it was, below the Seiryu Lake level is a giant maze or something.

-tte, right now isn’t the time for nostalgia. I’m gradually being shown exactly what it means that the Labyrinth is big. Maa, my fall speed basically has had no change, na.

There’s no way that several tens of balloons will be able to hold up a several hundred kilo vending machine. I remember that back in the day, on a variety show, just for one adult human to float it took over two thousand balloons. That’s why, from the beginning, it’s not like I was thinking that balloons could hack it with this vending machine.

The labyrinth’s walls are massive; that the height and scale are bizarre is something I can understand as I approach the ground. I don’t have the time for typical plans. Then-!
What I selected here is – a change into a cardboard vending machine!

Let me explain!
The cardboard vending machine was something popular in elementary school; it’s a vending machine you put together made out of cardboard! You can actually put in a coin, select a product, and when you push the switch, the product will come dropping down!

By the way, as a vending machine maniac, I bought and made a cardboard vending machine set!

That’s right, right now my body has been changed to cardboard. In other words, I’ve suddenly changed to a weight that those many balloons can support.

HAAaaa, I made it. Thanks to filling up the interior of barrier with balloons, the fall speed dropped sharply, and I leisurely drifted down.

When I spotted the cardboard vending machine on the list of functions, I never thought that I would have the opportunity to take it, but to think that it would show its prowess in saving my life. It’s really an inexplicable thing, na.
Now that I’ve relieved the worries in my heart, I enjoy looking at the scenery below me.

The walls of the giant circular maze is gray, so most likely the material is rock-like. The pathways drawn out are both curved and straight; it’s quite complicated. I can see the entire thing, so let’s take a picture with my internal security camera.

Because of my altitude, the exact size is unknown, but it seems like the size of the passages are, even on the narrow alleys, you could line up several of me side by side.

So there’s a square-like area and a thing like a pond. I wonder how much the cost would be to make it on earth.

Like I said before, the level below the Seiryu Lake level should be the maze level. I think there’s a proper name too, but Hyurumi always called it ‘maze level’ over and over that I don’t remember the proper name.

This level is pretty troublesome and the nasty things are high, so they said Hunters have a prejudice against it. There are treasure chests that naturally come out, so it seems possible to get rich quick, but the enemies are strong and the traps are many. As a bonus, the path is a maze, so by proceeding along the bearing they thought best, it seems there weren’t a few Hunters that died of starvation.
Looking at it from above, I think the awfulness of the complicated maze was accurately conveyed.

Oh, it looks like just a little more and I’ll reach the ground. If I land like this on top of the path’s wall, there wouldn’t be anyone would buy from me like this, na. –tte, oo, the tops of the walls are at acute angles, so it’s useless to try to climb them, huh?

Like this, it looks like I’ll land in a large pathway near the wall. U-n, to be honest I don’t really know what I should do, so I’ll just continue like this and let nature take its course. If it continues like this, it looks like I’ll touch down near the center of the maze.

The path’s walls are even taller than I thought. It looks like they’re over ten meters from the ground. The thickness is proportional, so the maze brought out walls similar to those of a five story multi-apartment.

Shakily descending, floating near the wall, somehow I managed a clean landing. Let’s return to the usual vending machine.

Both the flooring and walls are stone, and there’s no noticeable seam. There isn’t anything like a light source on the wall, so when day turns to night, it seems like it will become dark suddenly.

The breadth of the path seems to be fifty meters about; to the left and right the long pathway stretches out. From the feeling I got while looking from above, I’m on a main pathway that runs directly to the dead center of the maze; if it’s here, then the possibility of meeting Hunters would probably be high.

It’s also a place that would make it easy for Ramis and the others when they come to meet me. It seems like a place I can stay for a while.

Usually, there probably aren’t any curious existences that would come to help out a vending machine, but if it’s Ramis she’ll definitely come. Usually when the level breaks and you fall, whether you’re a human or a vending machine, anyone would understand the futility.
Even so, Ramis is someone who will most definitely come, I feel.

The Bear President also owes me, and the Fools of Whimsy Brigade is also aiming for me, so I think they will actively participate in the search. At the least, it might end up that Ramis can only participate if she joins the Brigade, I bet, na.

If she’s going to do anything reckless, Hyurumi should be there to stop her. Although I’m thinking that I want her to come help, on the other hand, I’m thinking I don’t want her to do anything reckless. It’s contradictory, I know, but these are my true feelings.

First of all, my first priority has to be thinking about how to extend my lifespan here. There’s also the possibility of other Hunters coming by and saving me, na.

Alright, let’s survey the surroundings. I’ve only looked around roughly; thoroughly observing and gaining information is a necessity to extending my lifespan.

Right now, the place I’m at is alongside the wall of a large passageway. The path spreads to the left and right of me, but the ends are too far away and I can’t see. It stretches out directly, but along the way seem to be many side roads split off.

Right now I don’t spot any monsters. Looking from above, I felt like there were quite a few large-sized monsters around, but I think there’s nothing in this large passageway. This might be the maze’s safe zone, na.

Now then, the thing that interests me the most has fallen in front of my eyes; the coin with the eight-legged alligator etched on them. It was kept on the inside of the Barrier, so when I fell like this, the coin was also taken along with me.

In front of my eyes is a coin that seem to be worth something but I don’t have any hands I can use; what a dilemma. Like this, if some random person picked it up and carried it off, I would be so enraged that I’d heat up all my products and cause them to spoil, zo.

But no matter how much I wish for hands, for a vending machine it’s not possible. Haa, anyway, in order to live as long as possible, let’s check my abilities and points again. In the battle with the eight-legged alligator, I consumed a large amount of the money I lifted off those thieves, na.

Vending Machine Hakkon
Endurance: 200/200
Strength:  0
Speed:     20
Dexterity: 0
Magic:     0
PT:        1,020,698
Refrigeration, Heat Insulation, Omni-directional Sight, Hot Water Dispenser, Cup Ramen Support Mode, 2 Liter Support Mode, Coating Change, Boxed Product Support, Vending Machine Security Camera, Rod-Shaped Candy Dispenser, Oxygen Vending Machine, Magazine Vending Machine, Natural Gas Vending Machine, Cardboard Vending Machine,
Divine Gift:

Just with my Endurance and Durability like this, it probably won’t be an easy matter for me to be broken. With Speed, I think the speed when dropping down products and heating things up will increase. Later on I think I’ll have to experiment, na.
As for what else changed … n-, is there a bug?
The Point indicator seems a little weird. One, ten, hundred, thousand, ten thousand, hundred ten-thousand …. hiyaa, one million -!?1
E, a, u. eeeee-!
Why are there more than one million? E, I don’t remember doing anything criminal myself to get it, zo.

What’s the meaning of this? Points are things that are exchanged from coins. I’m pretty sure the explanation said something similar. At that time a notice popped up when I had gotten some points from money. Let’s check that again.

《It is also possible to convert 100 Yen to 1 Point.》

See, it’s written that I can exchange money for points. But – it doesn’t state that there aren’t other ways to earn points.

Couldn’t it be, points are originally something you earn from defeating enemies? In a game, it’s the standard that after you defeat enemies, you get skill points. Maybe, changing money into points is a secondary method, and the original method to get your hands on points is to defeat enemies.

If that’s the case, if this large amount of points is from defeating the eight-legged alligator, the level boss, then I can consent to it.

I see, so there are other ways to earn points than consuming money. I’d like to study it, but I think there won’t be a second chance to defeat a monster. This time it all seemed to work out, but such a well-scripted scenario probably won’t happen again.

As I thought, for a vending machine, earning money is the way to go.
A~nyway, now that I’ve confirmed the situation, it’s fun spending time!

Now that I’ve gone over 1 million points, I can finally have the possibility of getting my hands on a new Divine Gift. To be honest, I though one million was a stupid amount of points I’d never get my hands on, but to think there was this other way.
Now then, let’s carefully look over the Divine Gifts.

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  1. Maa, although technically it would have gone from ten thousand to one million, the intervals in Japanese count ten thousand as a denomination, so it’s 100 (ten thousands), aka a million. … Yes, I left it as 100 ten-thousands because I thought it was funny, like he wasn’t expecting it to be 1 million at all.
    That slight dig isn’t really there in Japanese.
    … cough.

<T/n: Thanks Egg, Justinas, and RS for your donations!
Maa, sorry for the delay. If it’s any consolation, I was desperately wishing I was translating/writing instead of doing the other things I was doing…>



    1. If I remember right he can transform into a semi-human form with 1 million points, which was dismissed because it would take decades to earn that with yen/point conversion.


  1. The didn’t list all the gifts, but among the ones mentioned:

    『Body Transformation』『Visibility』『Movement』『Telepathy』『Absorption』『 Extortion』『Sword Skills』『Fire-Type Magic』『Water-Type Magic』

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It would be vastly overpowered if the divine gift power “Body Transformation” allowed him to take the form of anything he experienced. That would keep his powers similar to his original vending machine ability where he can only change into a machine that he had previously experienced.

      Thus he could attain the form of Ramis (without her strength) and still have Barrier although not be able to vend in that form. If he took the form of Ramis and vended, it would be lurid. But he could then take the form of the 8-legged alligator boss and transport the crew on his back. If he was able to tranform into the body with its natural feature such as super strength Ramis, then that would be stacking too many over-powered features together. At that point, he only needs some wizard to touch him and he would then tranform into a wizard with all of those skills and no need to study to learn them or the experience needed to wield such powers properly and safely.


  2. Meatbun delivery~
    Thank you for the chapter ( ●w●)

    Hee~ another Divine Gift? Will it be tranformation skill after all? Or maybe telekinesis to pick up all those coins~


  3. I hope he chooses mobility or transformation. both of those gifts are really important in this kind of situation.(or any situation in genaral)


  4. He need an ability or something enable to get the croc’s coin rolling around inside his barrier. Too bad he doesn’t have limbs and others abilities are multi million points to obtained. Thanks for the chapter. We need moar chaps….!!


  5. With Speed, I think the speed when dropping down products and heating things up will decrease.
    With Speed, I think the speed when dropping down products and heating things up will “increase”.
    With Speed, I think the “time” when dropping down products and heating things up will decrease.

    A~nyway, now that I’ve confirmed understood the situation, it’s fun spending time!
    confirmed or understood pick one

    good job and thank you


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