VendM 041: Four Animals and a Machine

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

Four Animals and a Machine

Although adding wheels made it so I could be moved, there’s quite some weight so it requires quite the physical strength; after pressing on for about an hour, they took a break.
Like that, they came to want drinks, so each of them chose a bottle.

Since it would be a problem for me if they run out of strength and willingness to continue, I offered the drinks cheaply, but it appears they don’t need liquid to that extent. If you compare it to the amount of meat they eat, they don’t drink any more than a normal amount.

With a number of breaks inserted, we progressed for the entire day, but it honestly doesn’t feel like it. Looking up the path, the surrounding scenery pretty much doesn’t change, so it’s to the degree that I’m uneasy about whether we’ve actually made any progress or not.

Occasionally a divergent path will appear, but I’ve known how complicated it is since before. Since I have completely recorded the panoramic of the maze by photographing it with the security camera, after all.

As it became evening, these guys began to make camp preparations quite early. I’ve heard from the gatekeeper Karios that monsters become more vicious at night, so they’re probably being cautious against that.

It was like this at noon, but at night I sold a massive amount of products as well. I’ve since gone past horror and reached admiration for their appetite. If they had an eating contest against the Fools of Whimsy Brigade’s big eater, the archer Shui, it promises to be interesting.

“About how much longer until we reach the exit, na?”(Shote)

“Even on the fast side it would be about a week, right? Since it seems we’ve been in the maze level for about two weeks.”(Suko)

“We were lost for quite a few days too, ne. I also think that’s about how long it will take.” (Pel)

“This big path is the main street so I don’t think we’ll get lost, but in exchange the encounter rate for monsters goes up. We need to be vigilant.” (Mikene)

I haven’t seen anything other than the Gluttonous Pig Demons, but it should be obvious that within the Maze Level, there are all sorts of monsters living in it. When I was looking from above, I felt there was giant, human-shaped rocks around. If this was your standard fantasy, then these would be the lifeforms born from mineral and rock by magic, the golems.

There was just too much distance below me, so even if I understood there was something there moving around, I wasn’t able to confirm the exact forms.

“If we go forward a little more, we’ll be at the Gluttonous Pig Demons place, ne.”(Shote)

“Un, that’s right. They came flying out of the side-path so suddenly and I hurt my leg, so I remember it well!” (Suko)

“That time it scared me so bad, naa. Just remembering it is making me hungry.” (Pel)

“Try to restrain yourself for a little bit more, Pel.” (Mikene)

So it’s the area the Gluttonous Pig Demons prowl around in. Suko’s leg has gotten largely better, so this time, even if they’re chased, they probably won’t have any problems with running away with all their might.

The Demons of Gluttony Brigade don’t know about my <Barrier>. I understand that it would be better to let them know, but I wonder if these guys will properly understand what I’m trying to say when I show them.
I’ve I make them screw up if I show them in the heat of things, then it would be better to show them now. Un, I’ve decided.


“BUAAAAA-!? Wh,why did the box say something all of a sudden-?”

Like always, when they’re startled that face they make when they scream – no, they make that animal cry, has way too much impact and it’s scary.
All members take notice of me. Then, I should go ahead and put it into action, huh?

“E-, e-, a blue-ish, transparent wall is.”

“Wh,what is going on? E,everyone, are you okay!?”

Mikene and Suko aren’t covered; because they were a bit further away, they’re on the outside of the barrier. The two who are covered, on realizing they were surrounded by the barrier, they wanted to go out in a panic, and are beating their heads against the barrier.

“I,I can’t get out-! Mikene, Suko, heeeeelp!”

“Pel’s completely freaked out. Calm down.”

On being trapped in, Pel panicked and raised a fuss, but Shote quickly calmed down.


Mikene and Suko opened their mouths wide and threatened, bringing their sharp claws down on the barrier.
But those claws weren’t able to pierce the barrier, and were simply repelled.

“This is, if this box did this, then –“

This time, Shote opened his mouth wide and came biting at me. Shote is not authorized to be in the barrier!

Ejected outside in that pose of biting something, Shote scrabbled on the ground on all fours and glared at me.

Unlike others, they’re reacting completely belligerently. I thought they were just big-eating, cute creatures, but now I realize that they’re quite the violent species.

“BUAAAAA-! What is the meaning of this, magic tool! Release my comrade!”

Mikene threatened me with a vicious expression. The name of “devil” isn’t just for show.
This has kind of gone a different way than I expected, but in order to get rid of the misunderstanding, let’s release Pel.

“I,I’m the only one who can’t get out … a, I’m out.”

“You’re safe, Pel. What the heck. This blue thing is … and then, this magic tool did it?”


I put out my usual saying in place of “yes”.

“You messing with me-!? What the hell do you mean by ‘welcome’?”

With his remaining anger, Shote bared his fangs and raised a growl.

So that’s how you’re going to take it. To say welcome or something in this kind of situation, I guess it can’t be helped that they think I’m making fun of them. It’s no good; I’m too used to the conversations I had with Ramis and the others.
If I want to communicate with these guys, I have to grope around for a different way.

That said, although I regret not choosing <Telepathy>, there’s no point in regretting the past. With that, all I can do know is the very best I can with my capabilities.

I take the function that I was wavering about since awhile ago, <Electric Bulletin Board>. This consumes quite a bit of points, so it’s a function I was always hesitating about. If it was perfect, then here I could write words and it would be possible to have a conversation with another person, but… Let’s try it out and see how it actually works.

A long, black board was installed at the top of where the products are lined up. And, I try to convey my intentions to the words that are streaming there.

[Welcome. Please insert the coins. Thank you very much. Please come again.]

As I thought, it’s only my preset sayings-!
This was the biggest reason I was hesitating. I had a nasty suspicion that it would be restricted to my recording’s set sayings. How should I say it; it met my expectations so splendidly, I want to cry.

“E, what is this. A weird picture, or a line? Is streaming by.”

“Maybe, could it be words? Although I’ve never seen them before…”

A, un. And as a bonus, it’s written in Japanese. No, well I knew. The words for ‘can’ and ‘vending machine’ wouldn’t be understood, but for this to be the punchline!

I wagered it all on a thin strand of hope, but like this, I’m just streaming characters that the other people find mysterious. I guess I can’t get a refund for my points, ne.

Aa, dammit, this is a problem. We’re at a complete standoff. How should I do it, to get these guys to understand that I mean no harm, and that the barrier is a power that can protect them?

“I guess this means that the magic tool box is rejecting us.”

“Too bad.”

“Look, see.”

No, you’re wrong Mikene. Again, because I tried to say ‘No’, it came out of my mouth.
This is SUPER frustrating. I want Ramis and Hyurumi.

“Let’s not touch it; there’s nothing we can do but leave him here.”

“But Mikene. If we don’t bring it back with us, we won’t have money and we’ll starve to death.”

“Just like Pel said. Why don’t we try to figure out a way to bring it back with us.”

“Un, un, that’s true. Look, it only drove us away without hurting us.”

O, I can have some expectations again. Then, first let’s release Barrier. Then, it should be offering them some food, right? Alright, it’s your favorite kar’age~.

“Hauu, that meat smell.”

“Pel is really weak to that, na-“

“Even if you say that, Shote, you’re drooling, you know.”

“It could be a trap. First, I should do the poison-tasting-“

It’s like I was an idiot for worrying, how quickly they came back around. Lured in by the kara’age, they began buying it in large quantities again. With a firm grasp on their stomachs, I guess you can say that it was my win.

Hafu, hafu. To be able to make such delicious food, there’s no way this box is a bad guy.”

“Un, that’s true. It’s this delicious, after all.”

“Maa, it’s delicious, so it’s fine, na.”

“Aa, because it’s delicious, na.”

Is that really fine with you guys? You’re not going to be a little more, like, cautious or hesitant?

That vigilant mode from before has been blown off somewhere, and throwing large amounts of kara’age into their mouths, they chew in a very satisfied manner.

Seeing their blissful faces, well, whatever is fine. For now, I’ll just match my actions with them; though it wasn’t great, I’ve at least conveyed Barrier’s existence to them. With just that, it was enough.


This peaceful atmosphere is blown away; the cry of the Gluttonous Pig Demonsreverberates around, and the sound *dotadota* of something striking the ground is coming. The sounds are coming from the entrance to a sidepath a little up aways.

“Right now was the Gluttonous Pig Demons! Everyone, get prepared to run!”

All members stood up at the same time and crouched. That’s all their preparations are? A, this, this is the pattern of being left behind again. To prolong the lives of each and every one of the Demons of Gluttony, once again I’ll buy them some time.

With those feelings I stare at the part of the path that connects to the sidepath; six Gluttonous Pig Demons come flying out. And, they’re running this way. From their bodies sweat is flowing, and they even let go of their weapons, sprinting with all their might.

E, what the, they have pathetic expressions like they’re going to break into tears right now. It’s almost like, certainly, doesn’t it seem like they’re being chase–.
Like it was confirming my thoughts, behind the Gluttonous Pig Demons the air wavers; a giant skeletal hand appeared and grabbed onto the wall. It isn’t just big; that hand is wrapped in fire; it’s heat is so ferocious that the stone wall is melting, transforming into something like magma.

And then, appearing as well, about the size of a whole Gluttonous Pig Demon, a gigantic skull came out. Like its arm, the fire the face was clad in was a black flame.

“That is, Flaming Big Bone Demon! You’ve got to be kidding-, everyone run-!”

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<T/n: Thanks someone and Lynkz for your donations!
So I decided on translating the names for the monsters this way, with subscripts. Why not just translate them? Because the author makes a clear distinction between the otherworld’s names for them and when Hakkon bluntly calls them what he sees them as. For example, gaku-jin-ma (alligator(with a different reading)-person-demon) versus Hakkon calling them wani-ningen (alligator-men).
I know there have been criticisms about how I translate the monster names, so here’s the reason as to why I translate the way I do.>



  1. You could:
    Put notes at the end,
    Put the romanticism in the brackets
    Realise that no-one cares the specific details of your translation – It’s just awkward at the moment – and use words like orc, kobold, fire skull, etc.
    Stop using Japanese terminology so much – the reason why you are translating it is because your readers DON’T SPEAK JAPANESE
    Also, brush up on grammar in general, hire an editor (or if you already have one, a better one), re-read your translation when you finish for better translation so it flows more smoothly


    1. … I don’t even know where to begin on this.
      First, thanks for your suggestions.
      No, I’m not going to just rename the monsters as western fantasy monsters. I am strongly leaning towards just leaving them a string of (english) adj, but I refuse to rewrite the stories and erase the authors’ stylistic touches. There is a difference between an orc and the greedy-pig-demon in Japanese too.
      As for the other things you’ve said…
      You’re making a lot of generalizations. There are people who enjoy knowing about the root of a language even if they don’t know the language. If not, there would be no field of study called ‘linguistics’.
      As for the editor and the grammar; it’s really fucking hard and takes a lot of time to translate. Add an editor and more than a cursory proof-read and we’re leaning towards 3xs the long amount of time it already takes me. This is why I always say that I know my grammar gets screwed up, and that’s why I encourage people to suggest edits in the comments. But if I do what you want me to do, we’re looking at maybe 1 update every 2 months.
      Also, I don’t want this to feel like work. Because when my hobby turns into work, I tend to stop doing it due to the pressure.
      This is why I freely offer these translations. Because my translations aren’t “professional” in any way.


      1. Purely based on a majority of the comments I’ve read regarding the work you’ve done, I’d say a majority of the readers of your translations have gotten the feel of the translation work you do and appreciate the time and effort put in.


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