VendM 42: Honoo-Kyou-Hone-Ma

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

(Flaming Big Bone Demon)

There’s not even the time I had when the Gluttonous Pig Demons were attacking the Demons of Gluttony Brigade; there’s only enough time to flee. The Demons of Gluttony Brigade are already dashing away with lightning speed.

The flame-clad skeleton’s full body as been revealed, but this is a hugeness on the level of shocking. It only needs a little bit more to reach the tops of the walls. It’s in the area of ten meters, about.

The excessive heat is making my vision go wavy, na. At each step it takes, there’s a melted footprint in the ground. And as a bonus, there’s a terrible tremor up and down. With just that build and only being bones but having that heavy weight gives it the impression that it’s not a small-fry. For it to be an oscillation that will make the vending machine float, it’s quite the thing, dazo.

If it’s this overwhelming, then I guess I won’t be able to utilize the Cola Splash that I used against the King Frog Person Demon. If I sprayed water from inside a bottle, it really would be ‘like pouring water on a hot stone’, na.1

I should give up on defeating it and think about how to buy time, huh? In just a little bit, the Gluttonous Pig Demons will reach me if they continue this way… in that case, I’ve decided on what I will do.

First is a form change, na. From the Rank 2 Functions column that materialized, I change to <Kerosene Measurement Tool>. That thing that’s always there at the gasoline stands and helps a lot in winter.

A white body with the mark of a certain gasoline stand drawn on it; at the side there’s a sturdy rubber hose with a lever-attached nozzle.

Right, with this, let’s spray it all over the ground – – the tip of the nozzle is stuck in the main body, na. Like this, when I pull the lever, won’t I become smeared with kerosene?

Maa, even if I got soaked in kerosene, it seems like if I don’t allow it to be inside <Barrier>, even the kerosene sticking to me would be ejected out. To check it a little, let’s try and let out just a bit of kerosene.

Pull the lever … I see, for the sake of safety, when it’s still stuck in, the kerosene won’t come out. As expected of Japan. Alright, the plan’s terminated!

Maa, I’m not a person – vending machine that has given up on valour, na. Isn’t there some kind of loophole method? –tte, oo-.

Flaming Big Bone Demon took another step and shook the earth, and the body of me that has become a kerosene measuring tool left the ground. And at the same time as I landed, the nozzle got loose and fell to the ground.

This is quite lucky, zo. The tip is also in the perfect state, facing the passageway. Then, like this I can spray the floor with kerosene.

The kerosene that overflowed from the nozzle and went and soaked the ground. Because the ground here is also stone the kerosene, without soaking in, the entire area can accumulate the thin oil.
The Gluttonous Pig Demons who are fleeing with frantic footsteps, completely without any caution, drew closer to the kerosene zone, and,


At that spot, without even taking a safe falling posture, they fell. They’re even cradling their heads, groaning.

The kerosene-smeared floor, since I think it’s about as slippery as a skating rink, the Gluttonous Pig Demons who fell down once are also having a hard time getting up.

And here, the Flaming Big Bone Demon’s foot came stomping down and – – the kerosene burst into flame in an instant; the surroundings became a sea of flames.

Of course with <Barrier>, I’m isolated from the heat and flames, but the fallen, completely covered in kerosene Gluttonous Pig Demons splendidly went up in flames.

Without even being able to raise their death throes, the corpses of the YGluttonous Pig Demons tumbled down; Flaming Big Bone Demon pinched them up, opened its skeletal mouth, and into that he threw them in.
So it’s a skeleton’s awful habit for a meal. Even though the flames turn everything it touches into cinders, I guess that’s ok by it.

The appearance of the enormous skeleton blazing brightly within the sea of flames, eating burned corpses is, it’s a solemn feeling that surpasses terror. This is because I’m inside the relatively safe area within the Barrier that I think like that; if I was flesh and blood, this would make my legs give out.2

Satisfied with the six bodies of the Gluttonous Pig Demons, Flaming Big Bone Demon merely glanced at me, without making even the smallest pass at me, and like that it went walking off.

Since I had changed to the same color as the walls did it not notice me, or was it because it had satisfied its stomach that it had not interest? Whichever the case, it doesn’t change the fact that it saved me.

However, this is an awful situation. On the ground there’s the caved-in imprints in the shape of the underside of the bone feet, and where it had approached the walls had been changed into warped impressions where it had melted and re-hardened.

I guess that’s also a Level Ruler, huh? I didn’t check whether or not that existed when I was surveying in the sky, but I bet there’s some sort of condition for its appearance, na.

If THAT was wandering around like it owned the place, then the labyrinth would be in an even worse state of affairs so, like I thought, there is probably some sort of reason.

Now then, the problem is that I’m all alone again. But it feels like the Demons of Gluttony Brigade would return here when they get hungry. Whatever the case, their thought processes are way too rough, so even though it would be fine if they put the food in their backpacks, without thinking a thing they only eat, na.

After that, since the ground to continue has been caved in and melted and warped, it looks like it will be quite difficult to push the vending machine.

As expected, the opponent this time made even those thoughtlessly optimistic guys feel like their lives were in danger; evening advanced quite far to where it was completely dark, and they still hadn’t come back. Maa, in the end, right now they’re in front of me eating dinner, though.

“Haa, I was so startled my stomach is empty, ne.” (Pel)

Pel, your stomach is always empty.

“No way, to think we caught a glimpse of the Level Ruler… I’ve heard the rumors, but it’s way unbelievable, na. I can brag about it to the President.” (Mikene)

“Really, really, it scared me, wa.”(Suko)

“They say if you beat Flaming Big Bone Demon you can get your hands on some treasure, but I wonder how you’d defeat that thing, na.” (Shote)

I agree with Shote. I bet there’s no way to defeat that. It’s gigantic size is a problem too, but there’s no way you can get close to those flames. Even if you try to extinguish the flames with water, then you’d need to splash it with around a whole pond-full of water at once or else it’s useless, I bet.

Throwing water from a plastic water bottle would have no meaning, na. It can’t be helped that it’s all theoretical. I probably don’t have a way to fight THAT.
While surrounded by those guys who are sleeping deeply in relief, I continued watching the path that Flaming Big Bone Demon disappeared down.

“You there, don’t go too far on the right. Left, more to the left.”

By Mikene’s instructions, they are carefully carrying my body. Because the ground’s unevenness is terrible, some how or other we’re proceeding by finding level places, even though we’ve been doing this the entire time since morning, when we finally somehow managed to get out of the uneven area, the sky is already beginning to show the sunset.

Today we practically didn’t make any progress at all, but since tomorrow the ground will be flat, our movement speed will increase. If that Honoo-Kyo-Hone-Ma shows up again, I’ll have to buy time again.
Since we don’t need anymore events other than this for today, I’d like to pass the night in peace.

In the time I was thinking about that, I was also in full operation; one after another they bought my products. I was offering it at quite the low price, but I’m worried about the state of their pocketbooks, na. Come to think of it, the sustenance of their brigade was in danger.

Like always, since their wariness weakens with full stomachs, without leaving a guard they sleep. Maa, since their eyes open as soon as there’s a presence or sound of an enemy, if I make a warning sound, I guess they’ll fly awake.

It’s a quiet night, na. The wide passageway lined with giant walls gives quite the ambience. Since it’s night, the only light is light emitted from my body; if you take a little distance from me, the surroundings are pitch black darkness.

I stand out way too much so let’s extinguish it. Sinking into complete darkness, the only thing I can hear is those guys’ snoring. But, just having someone nearby kind of calms my uneasiness.

If I was flesh-and-blood and truly alone, it wouldn’t be strange if this was a situation where I’d go crazy with fear. Around here, this lonely place would instinctively make you remember fear.

There are abilities that can sense presences, but I bet it’s different than what I think again … A, come to think of it, there’s an interesting function, na. I’m pretty sure it was somewhere here; found it, found it <Human Presence Sensor>.

When people don’t come the entire night, the light shuts off; only when the sensor reacts is when the lights turn on. Aa, but I won’t need this, huh? I can make all those decisions and implementations by myself, na.

Maa, I’m looking into all sorts of things, but seeing those guys blissfully sleeping calms me down; whatever will happen will happen. U-n, these guys’ close proximity to me gives off the feeling of being my safeguards.

At the least, I should solve the problem of only me being vigilant. In the blank darkness you practically can’t see anything, so I distribute my attention to listening just for sounds and, right now, I seem to be able to hear a faint something or other, na.

I search out the direction the noise is in, strain my eyes, and clear my ears. It’s a very far off, small sound but it’s uninterrupted, and continuously coming. It’s like a stove when there’s a fire in it.
The sound is ahead a bit, to the left-side. I can’t see in the pitch black darkness, but I’m sure that around there was the opening to the branching path.
In the darkness there’s a light faintly spilling out. The flickering I see is because it’s light from a burning fire, huh? It would be better to make a fuss, na.


In order not to draw attention from the opponent, I play my recording at a low volum.

“N-, kara’age … just another twenty pieces…”(assume Pel for anything food related)

“Mikene, Shote … as male companions, you’re going to … oh no~ you can’t~3…”(Suko)

I hear sleep talking. And, from Suko’s statement I can sense something ‘rotten’; let’s pretend I didn’t hear anything.
They don’t show a hint of waking up. –tte, I can’t just leave things like this, so I’ll try a little louder.

“We hope to see you again.”

“BUAAAA-! Wh,wh,what the!?”

It’s good that Mikene flew awake, but his voice is too loud.

At that yell all members woke up and surveyed the surroundings in a panic. It seems the as of now mysterious light source as also spotted us. As proof, the surroundings it lights up is gradually drawing near.

“Everyone, make your preparations to run from the enemy.”

I don’t hate the style to unwaveringly choose not to fight and run away. It’s a lot better than the reckless Hunters who don’t live long.

What appeared in front of the Demons of Gluttony Brigade that had taken measures to flee was, about the size of an adult human, a skull that was clad in flames.

“A Flaming Rook Head Demon -. If we don’t take care of it with a swift attack, it will call Flaming Big Bone Demon!”

“W,water! Someone splash it with a huge amount of water!”

So it’s that fire skeleton’s comrade. If it calls THAT, we’ll have no chance of winning. Water, we need water, na.
I quickly drop a 2-liter mineral water into my retrieval opening.

“E, water? The magic tool box dropped out water!” (Suko)

“Our luck is good, na! Suko, give that to me!”(Shote)

Dear Shote, I’d like you to stop categorizing it as luck, though. They still don’t think that the vending machine that is I has a consciousness, na. At any time, you’re free to make that guess, you know?
Giving up, I drop more water bottles.

All members held two-liter water bottles; it seems difficult for them to unfasten the cap with those claws, so they cut the tops off with their sharp claws.

All members tucked the water bottles into their armpit for the special attack; with a quick movements faster than thinking, they closed the distance and emptied the contents all over the skull.

With four bottles of water poured on it, the skull’s flames were completely extinguished; Mikene bit the skull that no longer has anything protecting it and it immediately shattered and was annihilated. With the flames extinguished it’s fragile, na.

Until know I hadn’t seen an instance where they didn’t run away so their true strength was unknown, but their movements were quite fast. They might actually be strong. Looking at their normal behavior, you wouldn’t think so.

It’s all good that they defeated that Flaming Rook Head Demon, but we’re wary of whether or not it called for reinforcements. If that big one comes, they’ll have no choice but to flee, na.

Watching for a while to confirm there’s no reinforcement, they alternate switching guards. With this, it’s a little safer with the watch.

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  1. like pouring water on a hot stone – a futile effort.
  2. actually it’s ‘back gives out’, but in English we say ‘legs give out’ when we’re talking about being unable to move with terror.
  3. One of those ‘in Japanese you’d immediately understand the implication, but in English the force of the words is too low’ so I messed with the tone a little so you understand why Hakkon immediately thought the ‘fu’ in fujoshi.

<T/n: Thank you The_Lying_Cat, Michael Chandra, Joshua Kay, and ‘someone’ for your donations!
I forgot how long it takes me to do Vending Machine. I’ll just post this and post the next chapter when I finish it. Which should be soon.>




  1. Shouldn’t the dungeon have a self-healing function for the labyrinth and other stuff? Granted it would take time, but it should happen (like how breaks between the levels aren’t open all over the place).


  2. If it’s “the” overwhelming, then I guess I won’t be able to utilize the Cola Splash that I used against the King Kaeru-jin-ma (Frog-person-demon).
    If it’s “this” overwhelming, then I guess I won’t be able to utilize the Cola Splash that I used against the King Kaeru-jin-ma (Frog-person-demon).

    Honoo-Kyo-Hone-Ma (flame-big-bone-demon) pinched “the” up, opened its skeletal mouth, and into that he threw them in.
    Honoo-Kyo-Hone-Ma (flame-big-bone-demon) pinched “them” up, opened its skeletal mouth, and into that he threw them in.

    I stand out way too much so let’s extinguish it. Sinking into complete darkness, the only “think” I can hear is those guys’ snoring.
    I stand out way too much so let’s extinguish it. Sinking into complete darkness, the only “thing” I can hear is those guys’ snoring.

    Maa, I’m looking into all sorts of things, but seeing those “guys” blissfully sleeping calms me down; whatever will happen will happen. U-n, these guys’ close proximity to me “give” off the feeling of being my safeguards.
    Maa, I’m looking into all sorts of things, but seeing those “guys’ ” blissfully sleeping calms me down; whatever will happen will happen. U-n, these guys’ close proximity to me “gives” off the feeling of being my safeguards.

    Good job and thank you.


    1. You were right with all the errors besides the 2nd last one.

      “Seeing those “guys” blissfully sleeping calms me down.” Is already correct.

      If you use “guys'” instead of “guys”, you would need to change “blissfully sleeping” to “blissful sleep”.


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