VendM 045: Secret Plans

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

Secret Plans

“Well then, it’s about how to defeat the Level Ruler Flaming Big Bone Demon, but there’s only one idea.”

While being jostled on the comfortable back of Ramis, I turned an ear towards the Bear President’s explanation.

“There’s a large-scale trap in this main road ahead; there are many Hunters who are unaware of the existence of this trap, though; it’s a trap that only activates under specific conditions.”

“I’m pretty sure it was, weight, na.”

Leader Keryoil, who was at the front, purposefully dropped his walking speed and cut into the discussion. He was probably bored.

“That’s right. Exceeding a set weight will invoke the trap … a large hole opens up. In other words, it’s a pitfall. There is were we would like to arrange to drop Flaming Big Bone Demon.”

To drop THAT in, it must be quite the large hole. If that’s there, it seems like everyone would realize it, though.

“The terrifying part of this trap is that you can’t use a big group of people to push all the way through the level. The main pathway is the Maze Level captures starting point. If there is a place no one is able to pass through, they’re sent tumbling down once enough get on over the set limit.”

“And so, this time’s play isn’t numbers but quality.”

Aa, I see. So that’s why the two gatekeepers are also participating. Because Karios and Gols are talented even among the guards.

“We must defeat the Level Ruler, even more so since Seiryu Lake Level’s Hunters are increasing. There is no problem for Karios and Gols to be absent.”

“They’re people at the level where I’d want to scout them … it was a joke, President.”

When the Bear President glared, Leader Keryoil shrugged his shoulders lightly.

Seems like it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say those two are the cornerstones of the defense, so the Bear President in charge of Seiryu Lake Level would be troubled if they were head-hunted away.

Honestly, I don’t think he needs to worry about that. At the least, I bet Karios won’t leave the Level. I glance and give the aforementioned person a look.

“When this matter is finished, my girlfriend will throw me a welcome home party. Maaan, to be so loved is a tough thing!”

What the hell are you saying, beaming smiles with your whole face. That ‘skinhead’s1 stern face is melting. As long as she’s there in Seiryu Lake, Karios will continue to be there as a gatekeeper. This time is an exception among exceptions; I need to express my thanks.
Next to that Karios is Gols, hitting his forehead with his hand and heaving a sigh. As always, thanks for your hard work.

“The pitfall spot should be around here. Everyone draw close to the left-side wall. About to where you back is pressed against it.”

All members obediently obeyed him, lining up with their backs against the wall. The Bear President alone proceeded ahead along the wall, prodded the wall with his hand and for some reason a rumbling sound occurred. After a bit, he nodded once very largely and checked over here.

When he did that, just when I thought there was an earthquake, on the ground, one crack, running straight ahead, opened up and it split in two. Only the place where we were along the wall was left; the entire ground splendidly vanished.

The giant square hole that suddenly appeared, measured by eye, could completely fit a 25 meter pool. The hole’s deep bottom is unable to be seen. Peering over the edge, only a black abyss can be seen.

“The rim has a slope like a mortar, so everyone take care. I want you to properly memorize the position of the hole. Right now I’m forcing the trap to activate, but normally if just all of us are on it, the pitfall won’t open … though I’m not sure about Hakkon.”

‘Cause I’m heavy. But then, I think the Bear President is also something of the same proportion.
Once again he did something or other and the ground cover slowly closed up.

“For now, proceed without touching the ground that was opened right now. Let’s go over the outline of the plan we explained just a bit ago.”

The form of each and every member of the Big Eaters Brigade, now knowing the depth of the hole, staring at the ground fixedly as they moved ahead with a timid feeling, once again they’re so cute. When they’re not intimidating, they’re soothing characters.

At a place a little removed from the hole, we all sat in a circle; it seems that this time it’s Leader Keryoil’s turn to give the explanation.

“Ri-ght then, now that we reunited with Hakkon, we’ll give the detailed explanation. The depth of that hole just then is about two times Flaming Big Bone Demon. We plan to lure that guy to on top of that hole and drop him, but even if it goes well and he falls, it’s doubtful that THAT will destroy him. With adding an attack on top of the hole, we could completely extinguish the hellfire its body is clad in. For that, with Vice-Leader’s water-type magic and Hakkon providing water, I think we can fill that hole with water.

I see. So that’s why I’m needed.

If you extinguish the flames then when it, like Flaming Rook Head Demon, is laid to bare bone, then you can deal damage, huh? If you submerge it like that in water, then certainly there’s a possibility that the fire will be extinguished, but I wonder how many hours it would take to fill that hole with water.
If it’s to the degree of the water in the water bottles, then I don’t know how many days it would take.

I’ve heard that it takes half a day to fill a school pool full of water. If I consider the depth of that big hole it’s several tens times bigger. If it’s done normally it will be a labor that causes you to lose interest.

“Just asking if it’s impossible, but … Hakkon, are you not able to sell water in large amounts, or perhaps somehow able to spray it out?”

All members’ gazes converged on me. Even with their expectant gazes on me, I’m a little bothered. If it’s vending machine’s water, then mineral water is sold. I’m pretty sure it’s in the list of Functions. However, at that degree of water flow,  how long would it be to satisfy THAT.
Water, water, huh … at the present, if I combine all the Functions I’ve acquired so far, won’t some tail-end of a thread of an idea come out?

Oh yeah, if I pour ice in with the newly acquired <Ice Vending Machine>, it might fill more quickly than pouring water in.

Then, the coin-operated vacuum has no relation, huh? Although it’s helpful at a self-carwash… n? Self carwash, huh? Which means, THAT can be chosen.

Yosh, recently I think I’ve been spending too many points, but a vending machine is supposed to be useful to its customers. Let’s add this Function.

Once I selected this choice, let’s change my body. The vending machine’s width changed to several times its size, and a number of buttons appeared. At the side, a hard, black hose is installed, and at its tip, a nozzle with a lever that resembles the kerosene measurer appeared.

“This is, it’s another form I haven’t seen, but. Hakkon, this is your answer, I supposed.”


I immediately reply to Leader Keryoil’s question. Normally, I’d be doubtful whether they could figure out the way to use it, but this time Ramis and Hyurumi are here. If it’s those girls, they can manage somehow; I have faith in them.

“’Scuse me a bit. There’s a lot of parts that stick out, and like when ya buy stuff, when you push it, that means there’ll be some kind of reaction.”

“Hyurumi, there’s some kind of pretty picture drawn on it – isn’t it the way to use it?”

For Hyurumi, who investigates one step at a time, Ramis pointed it out with her finger.

That’s right, this type has a number of courses; the price and the procedure to use it is depicted in photos. If she sees this, Hyurumi with her high comprehension ability will probably understand.

“Heeeh – what ya got? So the girl squeezes here and water comes out-! Hakkon, ya mind if I give it a whirl-!?”

Guess I don’t have a reason to refuse Hyurumi, approaching with her eyes glittering with fire.

“Welcome. Please insert the coins.”

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of free charity work, so this time I appealed for money. In the end the ones who will be paying will probably be the Fools of Whimsy Brigade, so there’s no problems there, I guess.

“O-, then I’ll pay. Vice-President, if you would.”

“How you don’t pull it out of your own wallet is very much like Leader.”

Vice-Leader Filmina pulled a gold coin out of her wallet and inserted it. With my whole body brimming with power, I conveyed that the preparations have been made.

Yosh, the preparations be done. Push this switch, point it in a direction where there ain’t no people, and pull the lever!”

The water that flew out of the tip with great force, when it hit the wall the spray splashed everywhere. Because it was a force greater than she thought, Hyurumi was pushed a step backwards.

“This be SWEET. If it a Flaming Rook Head Demon, then this is more than enough to extinguish it.”

She seems to be having fun, and sprayed the water on the top of the wall, back and forth, and began washing the dirt off.

Watching this is Ramis and the Big Eaters Brigade’s Pel and Suko. The Fools of Whimsy Brigade’s Shui, and the twins jealously crowded around her. They have the pure eyes of children with a toy in front of them.

“Behind me, wait ya turn.”

To Hyurumi who acts like she’s talking to children, they said, “O-kay!” and gathered together to wait. Using this pressure-washer to wash cars is honestly quite fun. Previously I used the automated car wash, but after knowing the fun of washing it myself, I chose the self wash all the time.

“If it’s an amount of water to this degree, filling it with water isn’t going to be a ridiculous story. You’ve saved us, Hakkon!”

It’s not a bad feeling to be recognized by Leader Keryoil, but it wouldn’t be strange if even this amount of water would take days … no, a week. Like this, even if I kept it going the entire time, will things carry on well?

And further, would this really decide it? My doubts and uneasiness are endless, but if this is the best plan, then I can’t just not do it. I’ll put out all my power.
A-, iya, hang on a second. Form changes can only be two hours for one day … what should I do?

Two days have passed.

With one person acting as a lifeline just in case, the trap is activated by triggering the mechanism and the big hole is purposefully opened; I passed the time by single-mindedly poured in water everyday.

Although I said that, in the end, in case of unexpected accidents, I’m only the pressure-washer for one hour a day, and afterwards I continue to drop 2 liter mineral waters.

At first they opened the bottle and poured out the contents onto the slanted part, but just once, I tossed a water bottle; the girls watched the water inside spill out and immediately understood. Now they’re hurling the water bottles into the hole.

During this, Gluttonous Pig Demons and moving skeletons came out many times, but moving against the members of this collection of talented people is reckless; they’re repulsed in no time at all.

When a Flaming Rook Head Demon appears, Ramis puts me on her shoulder, and the person who was previously decided on to be in charge of the hose draws close and happily blasts them with water.

With just this volume of water the flames are erased in no time at all, so it seems to be fun to be in charge when a Flaming Rook Head Demon appears, so it’s quite envied.

“I’m going to look to see how much water has collected. Keep a firm grasp on the lifeline.”

The light-bodied Mikene wrapped the lifeline around his stomach, and his comrades slowly lowered him into the hole. It feels like quite a lot has been collected, but who know how it is in reality.
After a little bit, Ramis fished Mikene back up, and he gave the report to the Bear President.

“The hole is extremely cold, like the middle of winder, but the ground looks like it has good drainage and the water is dispersed; it hasn’t collected at all.”

Unuu, I see.”

“I thought it was a good idea … dropping it in the pitfall should still be valid, but we’re going to have to rework it.”

The Bear President and Leader Keryoil looked at each other and groaned.
So the drainage was good. –tte, in that case, I might have something I want to try.

“O, Hakkon, what ya changing for all of a sudden? This is, aa, I see. If it’s cold, then drop ice instead o’ water, huh?”

That’s how it is. It’s just an hour a day, but it’s better than doing nothing. And, having raised my speed, it’s not even worth comparing to the speed I dropped ice from before.

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  1. skinhead – means a bald tough guy in Japanese, with no “racist” connotation.

<T/n: Soooorry. Brain wasn’t working. It was tough to translate. I’m better now. Also, I forgot to add links for 2 chaps ago, so make sure you didn’t miss a chap>



  1. We plan to lure that guy to on top of that hole and drop him, but even if it goes well and he falls, it’s doubtful that THAT will destroy “hi”.
    We plan to lure that guy to on top of that hole and drop him, but even if it goes well and he falls, it’s doubtful that THAT will destroy “him”.

    If you submerge that like that in water, then certainly there’s a possibility that the fire will be extinguished, but I wonder how many hours it would take to fill that hole with water.
    “that like that” just doesn’t sound right grammatically.

    “The”, the coin-operated vacuum has no relation, huh?
    “Then”, the coin-operated vacuum has no relation, huh?

    Previously I used the automated car wash, but after knowing the fun of washing it myself, I chose the self “was” all the time.
    Previously I used the automated car wash, but after knowing the fun of washing it myself, I chose the self “wash” all the time.

    I’m glad your feeling better, take care of yourself okay? Good job and thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No real problem with the “that like that” part. The first “that” is refering to an object while the second is refering to an action. It looks odd but there is no real problem with it. It’s one of the oddities of English, although you can see it in Japanese from time to time when the speakers are being lazy.

      “Put that like that with that over there.” works if you are speaking, as it can be assumed that you are indicating what the different “that”s mean by context or body language. It ends up looking like an odd sentence but I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with it grammatically.

      Liked by 1 person

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