VendM 047: The Final Blow

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

The Final Blow

“Mikene, how’s the situation?”

Leader Keryoil asked Mikene, who was peering into the hole.

“To some degree, it looks like we’ve given it some serious wounds, but it feels like one more attempt won’t be enough.”

So it’s at the degree where rocks won’t be able to decide it, huh? If only we had some heavier, hard object, then we might be able to … n? Why is everyone staring at mineself, I wonder.

“If it’s Hakkon it’d do it, right?”(Leader)

“No, but, if we screw this up, Hakkon will be broken.”(V-Leader)

“He’s still alive after falling from the Level Break, so it’ll be fine, right?”(Leader)

Leader-san and Vice-Leader-san. Please stop having such a dangerous conversation right in front of the person himself, ne. But, honestly speaking, if I change into the giant vending machine and fall on it, that does seem to be the most effective-ish way, na.

“NO! Don’t make Hakkon do dangerous things!”

“It ain’t even a sure thing it’ll work. I’m also gonna be against.”

As if to cover me, Ramis and Hyurumi lined up in front of me. I’m happy for their feelings, but if we can’t come to a decision, then I have enough room to give this plan a thought.

If I raise my Defense up enough, even if I fall it feels like it should be okay. Since I can use Points to repair myself as long as my Endurance doesn’t become 0, I was thinking I could do it, though. But, if I screw it up, then that would be the end.

“That’s right, na; Hakkon has already been more than helpful enough. If we force more than this on him, it would be too much. It won’t do for us not to show off our good sides too, na.”

“Do we jump in and do it in immediately?”

“That’s true; without the bothersome flames, then we can manage it…”

E-, nonono, that’s what you can’t do!
The bottom is filled with carbon dioxide. If they go down they’ll have trouble breathing, or like, they’ll die of carbon dioxide poisoning.
This was not what I was expecting. No matter what we do, them going down is the only thing that must absolutely be avoided.

“Welcome Welcome Welcome!”

“O-, Hakkon also agrees, huh?”

WRO—NG!

“Too bad Too bad Too bad!”

“Wrong, huh? But, if we don’t hurry –“

“The bones are trying to climb up the wall!”

Since it doesn’t have any reason to obediently wait in the hole, na. So of course it will try to climb. We’re running out of time even more. Even despite that, there’s no way people should go down into the hole.

“We can’t let this change get away. You guys, are you prepared?!”

“Please don’t let go of the lifelines, ne!”

“Seriously, we’re begging you!”

“Seriously, we’re not joking even one bit!”

These types of times where they’re prepared to give it their all are worthy of respect, but right now it’s going in a really bad direction. No good, like this, they’ll …. is there something, is there any way to stop them!

Where I am right now is a spot a little ways away from the hole. I’m still three meters away from the part of the pitfall that has a slope. Near me are Ramis and Hyurumi. And, the rest of the Big Eaters Brigade other than Mikene, huh?

Leader unwound the lifeline from around my body and handed it over to President Bear. I guess because this was a time where it was important to be able to control the length.

Is there some way or other to get my body over to the slanted part? First let’s secretly install the wheels to my bottom. Now it seems like I just need a push to make it.

Even if I had a way to convey it to Ramis, there’s no way she would nod her head yes, I guess. Hyurumi as well, from how the situation went earlier, won’t work. If that’s how it is, it’s President Bear or maybe the Big Eaters Brigade.

If I have the Big Eaters Brigade push, they’d have to put all their power in combined or it would be useless; President Bear has been entrusted with the lifeline, so both his hands are occupied. Even though it looks like, with Ramis’ super-strength, a light push would be more than enough to move me to the slope.

A- … there is one way I can think of. It’s just, if I put this into practice, the shame, all my respectability would be thrown away. It’s for the sake of victory; having my favorability drop a little is way better than letting them die.
I form change and select – Porn-Magazine Vending.

“E, Hakkon, changing so suddenly … E-, eeeee-!?”

Facing the glass, I lined up voluptuous women taking up suggestive poses; you can’t see them as doing anything but seducing men.
When Ramis saw them, her face became dyed in red.

“He-, e-, why are these people, in underwear, pushing out their butts and raising their chests … uwaaa!”

She’s looking at it shyly, but at the same time eating it up. It’s the feeling of being embarrassed yet still having interest, na. I understand your feelings, Ramis.

Wait, this isn’t the time to be thinking Ramis’ embarrassed look is moe. I push her more here.

“Welcome.”

“He-awawa-! N,no way, geez, Hakkon. I wouldn’t buy this, geez, you pervert1!”

Having let out her voice when it was a time everyone needed to concentrate, in order to cover up her agitation, Ramis, who stood out with her excessive over-reaction, hit my body with an open palm.

If it was normal there would have only been a light sound, but because she was agitated, she made a mistake in holding back her strength and a splendid shock went through my body.

And, the shock sent the vending machine sliding sideways. If I didn’t have the wheels out, it would have been at the degree that it shook my body, but it was way more power than necessary for the me right now.

“E-, Hakkon!?”

“Thank you very much.”

The flustered girl’s hand stretched out but that hand only grasped empty air, so I approached the slope, my speed increased, and I flew into the hole.
When I felt the sensation of floating in the air, at the same time I changed into the giant vending machine.

Glancing downwards, I fixed my gaze on the form of the skeleton climbing up the hole. It was in a situation where it would fall if it let go with one hand, and from directly overhead fell a vending machine.

It let go with one hand to either try to flick me away, or otherwise catch me. That moment of hesitation was fatal for Honoo-Kyou-Hone-Ma (flames-big-bone-demon). In the end it was unable to decide which to do, and the vending machine lightly smashed into the skull that took the blow with its forehead.

It was good luck that I hit it on just the right angle. My body that destroyed the skull shattered the throat, ribs, and hipbone as it crashed into the ground.

《12 Damage. Endurance has been reduced by 12.》

It was less damage than I thought; probably, having smashed into the bones, my falling speed sharply dropped.
About one-third of my body was caved in by the ground and was misshapen, but the result was good so everything’s good.
From above the fragments of bone came clatterclatter showering down. That was properly the final blow, na. With this, everything’s a-ok.

“Hakkoooon! You’re being reckless agaaaaain-! I’m coming right now, so wait just a minute!”

Ramis-san has become angered again. It just happened, but she’s going to come down immediately. –tte, this place is full of carbon dioxide, so let’s change into the oxygen vending machine and put out oxygen.

“Too bad Too bad Too bad”

To keep her from coming closer I repeatedly call out “Too bad”, but she’s refusing to listen so a rope comes dangling from above. Let’s put out oxygen at high speed!

My constant “Too bad” call shows results; it seems that Ramis is hesitating to descend. It seems like the others around her stopped her, though.

“Hakkon! Ya mean that right now it’s dangerous down there?!”

“Welcome”

I immediately respond to Hyurumi’s question. For scenes like this, I’m grateful for her existence. Ramis also manages to make good guesses, but when I’m endangered, she gets reckless.

Her concern is something to be happy about, but I wish she’d be a little more concerned about her own self. –tte, it’s not like I can talk about other people.

Come to think of it, I defeated another Level Ruler, so isn’t there a coin that’s fallen somewhere around here? O-, there it is, there it is. Like before, I use the <coin-operated vacuum> and somehow manage to control it to suck up the coin.
In the Possessions column, <Coin of Honoo-Kyou-Hone-Ma> has been added, na.

And now I just have to keep putting out oxygen … –tte, oxygen is lighter in weight than carbon dioxide, so it won’t collect in the bottom of the hole, huh? That said, how about I show them how I returned from the Level Break?

I made a large amount of balloons, and poof, keeping them within my barrier, I became the <Cardboard Vending Machine>. My body became enveloped by a sensation of floating, and I float, float soar upwards.

Like this, because I’m in a bunch of carbon dioxide, it’s easy to float due to the relationship of their specific weights. I’m rising to the surface with more force than I thought.

Approaching a little above halfway, my speed dropped. So it was only full of carbon dioxide to here, na. If I make way more balloons than before, then I will somehow float my body to the top.

“Uum, Hakkon?”

“Welcome”

I was worried about whether my voice would come out since my body is cardboard, but that seems to be alright. Maa, the other vending machines didn’t have the ability to playback my voice recordings, but I spoke with them.

“Mikene, close the hole.”

“Understood.”

At President Bear’s order, the pitfall’s lid shot, and so I dismissed <Barrier>, released the balloons, and made a landing. And, returning back to the usual vending machine, I let out a breath of relief … and a shadow fell on my body.
I have a bad feeling, and I don’t want to look over, but I can’t just play dumb either, so although I don’t want to, I look up in front of me.
Leaning forward with her hands on her hips and her cheeks puffed out, it’s Ramis. Un, no mistake, she’s mad.

“Hakkon. Exactly what would you have done if you were broken?”

That gentle voice is contradictorily terrifying.

“Congratulations! You have won so choose another bottle”

“Don’t try to play it off. Imma plenty mad ya know.”

Ku-, when her emotions swell up, her original dialect comes out. Let’s just be good and listen here.

In the first place, I don’t have the talent of the art of talking to women, and with this recorded sound data, nothing I say will be of any use, I bet. After thinking such, I realized my shallow way of thinking, when her sermon finished an hour later.

At the beginning she was angry, but it eventually switched to complaints about exactly who would be worried, and if it weren’t for Hyurumi, who was watching, stopping it, she would have continued.

“Ramis, leave it there. If ya gonna keep blamin’ him so much, Hakkon will start hating you.”

Au-. Then, I’ll leave it here. Mou, don’t do such reckless actions again, ne.”

To her request, I responded with silence. I don’t want to lie to her. And so, I won’t respond at all. If we run into a scene where I need to save everyone, I’d probably do the same thing yet again, after all.

To the me who took that kind of attitude, instead of becoming angry, Ramis smiled a bitter smile. It’s like, she could read what I was thinking and is exasperated by it or something.

“Is your discussion over? I have something I want to ask, but is that okay?”

He was probably just waiting for this timing to talk; Leader Keryoil stepped up as his fingers crawled along the brim of his hat.

“Thanks for your help this time too. Hakkon, did the Level Ruler’s coin fall at the bottom of the hole?”

“Welcome”

“O, I see. Then, we’ll have to go and get it later, na.”

I should present the coin I retrieved, huh? Uuum, how do I do that? Looking at the <Coin of Honoo-Kyou-Hone-Ma> under Possessions, and then imagine putting it outside.

“Oo-, so you picked it up!”

The coin fell in front of us in good condition. Without wavering, Leader went to pick it up, but from the side a hand stretched out and skillfully snatched it.

“What are you doing, Hyurumi?”

“You acting like it be obviously yours, but the one who defeated Honoo-Kyou-Hone-ma and the one who picked it up is Hakkon, right? It ain’t yours.”

It’s a sound argument, but I don’t really care either way. But, maa, this is beyond what I’m used to; it might be better to do this properly, na.

“Aa, my bad. It’s true that you played a huge part in this somehow. There’s no question that the one who earned it was Hakkon. And so, I’d like to buy this. How’s one hundred gold coins?”

This isn’t a sum of money that should be said with such a light, carefree tone, na. A hundred gold coins exchanged would be 100,000 points. –tte, ain’t it a ridiculous amount of money?
Ramis is as surprised as me, so with wide-opened, round eyes she’s looking alternatively at the coin and me.
Hyurumi doesn’t seem to be particularly surprised; she glances at President Bear who had changed into a witness.

“Fumu. It’s the market price for a Level Ruler’s coin, so that much should be right.” (P.Bear)

“So he says, Hakkon. What are you gonna do?”

If it’s like that, then there’s no problem and it’s enough. I’ve already secured a Level Ruler’s coin, so I don’t need any more.

“Welcome”

“As expected if Hakkon. That the deal went through quickly helps. Don’t mind that I’ll be paying the money at a later date. It ain’t possible to always carry around such large amounts of money, na.”

The negotiations end and the coin becomes his. Leader Keryoil lifts the coin to light over his shoulder, and after he carefully looked at it, he stuffed it in the bag at his waist.

No-w then, all that’s left is to return me to Seiryu Lake Level. It looks like it will end without me knowing the Maze Level aside from in the sky and the main path, but there probably won’t be any reason for me to come here a second time, I guess.


A/n: With this the second part ends.
I am in your care for the third part as well.


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  1. sukebe, not hentai – hentai means someone who has left the right path, which is why it’s a stronger insult than sukebe (which is why pedos, molesters, etc are often called hentai), and hentai can be used for perversion of other things other than sexual things (though, nowadays it’s used most often for sexual perversion). Sukebe is more saying the person is too into sexual things. Basically (at least, in this instance), Ramis isn’t really MAD at Hakkon about suddenly being shown porn, she’s more embarrassed than anything, and that’s why she uses kind of playful language and doesn’t call him a hentai. (although, imo, showing porn unexpectedly to a young girl and thinking her embarrassed look is cute is kind of going off the wrong path, Hakkon…)
    Of course, sukebe can also be a strong insult depending on context.

<t/n: Seriously, Hakkon? THAT was the best way you could get Ramis to push you? (dying laughing). This guy has a few screws loose. Maybe literally after that push.>

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29 comments

  1. When Leader Keryoil said he wanted to ask hakkon something, I thought for sure it’s about the ero-magazines. Aww… 😄

    Thanks for the chapter 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Was that last line a flag?

    Wellconsidering the successive cliffs we were faced with for the past few months… I’m actually not too excited…

    Time to activate withdrawal symptoms again!

    Like

  3. I sort-of wish that Hakkon had given Hyurumi some containers, matches, and dry ice to play with. Leaving it as a generic dangerous thing in the hole just isn’t satisfying, somehow.

    Congrats on the updates! They seemed fast to me.

    Like

  4. Hmm so he will get 100,000

    I wonder what he’ll unlock now?
    I hope he gets an ability to interact with small object other than coins… or maybe a utility ability or stat boost.

    More lines would be good but the whole talking telepathy is expensive.

    Like

  5. I’m still waiting for when the vending machine has the inevitable maintenance needed jam or parts failure. For a machine, that would be similar to humans having random health problems.

    Like

  6. Hopefully he can gain a new ability after this… Since he is getting a lot. And he already used the Level Coin so no problem.

    Ramis is getting pretty annoying though, I hope its Polygamy because I love Hyurumi

    Like

    1. He didn’t get anything from the coin, at least not yet. He gets points from defeating monsters, and he got a ton of points for being the one who killed the level ruler. That’s what he used. As for what ability he bought with those points… I can’t remember, only that he was disappointed that it wasn’t what he thought it was.

      Like

    2. he just got the coin. according to rumors, if he gets to the bottom of the dungeon, he can wish for anything he wants with the coin… according to rumor

      Like

  7. i think she loves him even though hes a vending machine, its been on my mind with how shes been acting/reacting/worrying about him even going so far as to chase after him when she doesn’t even know if hes still in one piece, not to mention how she reacted to him in this chapter alone

    Like

  8. “As expected “if” Hakkon. That the deal went through quickly helps. Don’t mind that I’ll be paying the money at a later date. It ain’t possible to always carry around such large amounts of money, na.”
    “As expected “of” Hakkon. That the deal went through quickly helps. Don’t mind that I’ll be paying the money at a later date. It ain’t possible to always carry around such large amounts of money, na.”

    good job and thank you

    Like

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