VendM 049: Not Quite the Ideal Hero

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

Not Quite the Ideal Hero

After coming to the Maze Level, the new regulars have increased. The couple that runs the weapon-armor shop and the parent and child that run the inn, the Hunter Association receptionists; these are the residents from here that come pretty much every day to buy, it seems.

Or like, the number of this level’s residents is way too few. Even if you say it’s not a popular level, with 10 people in total then their commerce should be doomed. This is just an outsider’s unneeded worry, but when Ramis, who harbored the same question as me, questioned the receptionists, the mystery was solved.

Actually, my expectations were right on the mark; looks like a fixed sum of money is paid by the Hunter Association every month. In other words, even if customers don’t come at all, they are guaranteed income to the degree that they can live off of it.

If that’s the case, then that changes the issue. If you can get money even if you don’t work hard, I bet there’s a lot of people who would tolerate even these circumstances.

That said, although idle time is welcome to some degree, with this kind of extremely long time period, if you’re at all a person who works diligently, it seems like it would be excruciating and you’d feel uneasy.

Even so, sometimes a Hunter will drop in, and they’d be so grateful they’d be so hospitable that it’s weird; that’s one funny part of it.

This time, since we’re staying for a long period of time, the residents’ faces are overflowing with animation, and their excitement has gone up.

Since we’ve reached the community, three days have passed, and the Fools of Whimsy Brigade began looking towards the preparations for other levels; after they finish gathering information they’ll come and invite us, they said.
It seems that if the Bear President doesn’t return to the Seiryu Lake Community soon there would be all sorts of problems, so he returned first.

Right now the ones who will remain are Ramis, Hyurumi, and all the members of the Big Eater Brigade, who have taken a request from the Bear President so they are unable to leave. Seems like they’ll be carrying it out tomorrow so each of them are making their preparations, when unusually, another Hunter came to this level.

Clad in full-body armor that had a jet black surface that was frightfully glossy and looked like it was wet, a single blond haired, blue-eyed, androgynous young man dropped into the Hunter Association.

Fair and slender long arms and legs, on his back a greatsword in addition to the jet black armor. How do I say it; it’s almost like he’s the ideals of women all stuffed together; to the him that looks like he was extracted out of a certain game that boasts super-beautiful CG clips, the receptionists’ gazes were concentrated on him.

“Excuse me. Today, even though I just arrived on this level, do you have a detailed map of the maze?”

His manner is also gentle, and his voice is also clear. Right now I can’t find any faults. Although being a vending machine yet having jealousy is a strange thing to say, if I was flesh and blood and lined up next to him, I bet I would feel agony being the same gender.

“Y,yes. If you can wait for a map for just three more days, the latest, most precise one should be finished.”

So that’s the face of a woman who fell in love at first sight. I’m the type that doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but if he’s this good looking, you feel like it can’t be helped. A-, don’t tell me…

When I glance towards Ramis and Hyurumi at my side drinking beverages, curious about the state they’re in… they’re excitedly gazing at the young man.

“Hyurumi, look, look, it’s a pretty guy who looks like he came out of a picture.”

“O-, for reals. He’s freakin’ good looking.”

How should I say it; they’re lightheartedly excited. It’s not the feeling that they’ve fallen for him; their excitement is like finding a celebrity in the middle of town. It’s like it’s purely admiration.

“Three days, is it? Then after three days I will inquire into it again, ne.”

On the way out, he showed a smile that resembled a refreshing spring breeze and went out the door.
The two receptionists kept waving their hands even now, after his figure disappeared. What an amazing ikemen effect.1

Women are easily taken in by appearances, na. But when it’s to that degree, it doesn’t feel irritating. Someone who’s a man, but beautiful, and is a person with a big heart, that would easily sway you; I agree and think that as well.
Even looking at him with the eyes of one of the same gender, I’m thinking that if he’s that good looking it can’t be helped. That’s how good looking he is.

“He’s like a hero from legends, ne?”

“Ramis, that be like a statue erected that’s all beautifying a hero. For them famous Hunters, they mainly be ossans that are balls of straining muscles; that’s the standard.”

Ramis was in shock after her dreams were crushed. That’s a reality that you were happier not knowing, na. Un, un.

“The,then, with 100 divine protection, that famous Hunter that’s called someone who’s received the favor of the gods!? There’s stories about an overwhelmin’ly beautiful girl that comes up though; me, I super look up ta her!”

She’s flustered so her dialect appears.
But man, 100 divine protections is amazing, na. How many points would you have to spend? Are?
Come to think about it, I can spend points to gain functions and divine protections, but I wonder, do other Hunters have a point system?

I completely take this system for granted, but do the people who are Hunters just get stronger after defeating monsters, I wonder. I can’t really ask that question outloud with my fixed wordset at all, na.

“A-, the one who has received the gods’ favor, huh? She was a truly beautiful and kind person, according to literature and testimonies that were left until now, na. Just, she didn’t stay in any one place, so each place’s left behind their own legends, so the details about her be unknown, ze.”

What a cool person, na. True character unknown, a wandering beauty, and even more so a strong character, huh? If she was the subject of a story, it’s bound to be popular without a doubt.

“Thank goodness-. Because she’s my ideal, ne!”

“Maa, that pretty boy-kun too, he might be one o’ them special people, na. If he’s got the ability to challenge the maze level by himself, that’d be fittin’.”

If his appearance is like that, even if his skills aren’t to that degree the female Hunters would want to be his team members so bad. Regardless, if he can make it all by himself, then his abilities should stand out, na.

Maybe, his team members might be waiting outside, but somehow it feels like he doesn’t let other people approach him. His demeanor was gentle and polite, but I could also see that he left a step’s distance from contact.
But, well, as long as you don’t harm your comrades, whatever you’re like inside is fine.

.
.

At night, the common sense of the Maze Level that doesn’t have any entertainment facilities at all is to retire early.

Ramis and the other are staying at the inn that has a surplus of useless rooms, but as seen from outside, the light in the window is already extinguished; they seem to have gone to sleep quickly.

I am stood up in front of the inn. Although I could have been put inside the room, we would be troubled if the floor went out with my weight so I was put outside.

I have become used to the body of a vending machine, so I don’t hate being left outside like this. Actually, it feels like my body has strangely gotten accustomed to it.
It feels like both my mind and body are becoming a vending machine … not that that’s a bad thing.

At night I activate energy-saving mode, letting just a little bit of light shine. The area around has no light sources, so just this much will stand out as being odd.

But man, I think the Maze Level is really out of date. Even if you say that everything other than the maze is safe, the ground is barren so crops can’t be grown. There aren’t any monsters either, nor are there animals. It looks like dirt that has nothing on it, but actually there’s a profitable use for it, this place.

If this was modern day Japan, then it feels like an industrial area would be put up. But that would be hard for normal people in a labyrinth where you have no idea what will happen, huh?

In the first place, to this day, there are way too many unknown points as to what kind of thing a labyrinth is. The dungeons that I know about don’t have a sky, nor is each level so huge. How do I say it; the scale is way too different.

And besides, saying that if you clear the deepest level any wish you have can be granted seems false. Not that I can confidently say that an existence that can create that kind of foolish, imaginary world doesn’t exist.
U-n, I’d like a vending machine to only ponder on what drinks will sell, but it seems that’s not possible.

While I had been thinking about it quite seriously, unexpectedly the area around me has gotten light. O-, so someone’s exiting the inn.

The double doors at the inn’s entrance were flung open, and from there a single beautiful man walked out. It was the young man that had stood out during the day.

He, with a wavering, unreliable gait, he slunk over and stood in front of me. When the light that I emit shone on him, his expression had no vigor; I can’t feel even the tiniest bit of the attitude of confidence and composure that he had from during the day. His gaze never settled on anything, and his body shook bit by bit.
What happened? His form right now is a gloomy, waste of an ikemen who’s behaving suspiciously.

“Aaaaa-, mou, my nerves are on edge, naa. Why does everyone just stare at me? HAAAaaa, it’s so scary. Even though I came because I heard that there weren’t many people on this level, there’s plenty of people heeeeeere.”

N-?
Right now, wasn’t this young man quickly muttering something quite pitiable? Oi, oi, don’t tell me that he was forcing his attitude during the day and this is his true self.

“Mou-, impoooooosible. I don’t want to talk to peeeople. Seriously, give me a break. Haaaaaaaa.”

That’s a sigh that’s like his soul is going to come out of his mouth, na. This person, he has a communication disability, huh? So in order to hide this he made himself that ikemen character. The reason he’s acting on his own is due to his communication disorder. How do I say it … all of a sudden a feeling of friendliness has welled up.

“Notgoodnotgood. Taking everything negatively; Mother always told me it’s no good to think all about bad things. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.”

Watching him breathing in and out repeatedly, clutching his sword tightly, I felt like cheering him on.

I’m pretty sure I remember hearing that the cacao nut has nerve calming properties in it and a relaxing effect or something. If that’s the case, let’s stock cocoa.

“Welcome.”

“Uwaaa-, that scared me! E-, what’s this!?”

He was quite surprised, so that he jumped three meters from his spot. His body’s abilities are amazing. If he makes that great of a reaction, it will tickle my mischievous heart, but if I mess with him I’ll be getting my priorities backwards.

“Please insert the coins.”

“A, u. It’s the box that was at the Hunter Association during the day, na. I’m pretty sure that it was a mysterious box you can buy things from. The Pouch Bear Cat Demon people were buying things.”

While leaning his upper body backwards several times, he skillfully came closer. He completely gives off the truth that he’s scared. I’m the cause of it, but I want to give him cocoa to drink to have him calm down.
To make the cocoa stand out, I try making the entire bottom row all cocoa.

“Um, I’m pretty sure the coins should go in here. And then, I think you push the bump under the product you want.”

As proof that the coin had slipped into my body and it was possible to purchase things, the button lit up.

“I wonder what I should get. This one with the picture of a cup filled with a brown liquid is a drink, right? There’s a lot of them lined up so it should be popular; it looks like the tea that I drink at home, so maybe I’ll do this one.”

I’m happy that he bought the cocoa like I expected, but his soliloquy was long. Come to think of it, when a friend of mine developed a lifestyle of working from home so that he practically didn’t encounter any people, he said he increased his instances of talking to himself, na.

“Uwaa, it’s warm. Uum, the way to open it is, I think, lift up here… that did it.”

His innocently happy figure is adorable, zo. Even though he’s a super tense ikemen, if his smiling face is cute, the older onee-samas will fall for him in an instant.

“Fumu-. It’s sweet and delicious, naa. Somehow it’s very relaxing. This magic tool is great, na. There’s no human element, so I can buy things at ease without being nervous.”

It troubles me if you stare at me with greedy eyes, though. Although it’s not bad to be appraised with a high evaluation, I’ve already decided on where I should be.

“I’m pretty sure, were the owners those girls? Let’s try to negotiate tomorrow.”

Muttering like so, he clutched the cocoa can in both hands like it was something precious, and his figure disappeared into the inn.

I think it will be useless to try negotiating, but not forcibly stealing me is honorable. Personally I think he’s the type of person I can like, but I bet I won’t have any more points of contact with him. Tomorrow we’ll be moving according to a different request after all.

“Hakkon, Mishael-kun2 will be accompanying us on our request!”

“I’ll be in your care, Hakkon.”

The morning of the next day, Ramis, who came flying out in front of me, said this as the first thing out of her mouth.

Standing next to her was the refreshing ikemen with a smile, his hand held out until he realized I couldn’t shake hands, then embarrassedly scratched his head.


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  1. ikemen- good-looking guy. Not pretty boy. More of a moderately slender guy who’s good looking but still is clearly masculine.
  2. Debated with Michel, but I mean, it’s clearly “Michelle”, which is a girl’s name to us westerners and would break the immersion, so went with the Hebrew Mishael.

<T/n: Hooo boy, I was having a hard time translating. I’d read it in Japanese and understand it, then go to write it down in English and draw a blank. This took a long time…
Sorry, I had a bachelor/bachelorette gift for a very close friend to make that took a long time (and gave me mild carpal tunnel), and I have some more craziness going on for one more week, and then things SHOULD calm down and I’ll get back down to business.
I will adjust all the links tomorrow. I’m tired…>

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28 comments

    1. seeing how many guys get the name “Michelle” and “Ashley” in manga, I’m just gonna be on the safe side and go with he was probably named after an angel like most ikemen great swordsmen in video games

      Like

      1. yeah, but us americans would totally be pronouncing it “mitchell” in our heads instead, so I decided to just jump to the origin of the entire line of Michel/Michael names.
        Random translator choice, but since Mishael is still used

        Like

  1. If Mishael-kun is a boy, he’ll be cute. (Maybe slightly creepy but cuteness is justice)
    If Mishael-kun is a girl, she’ll be cuter. (Moeeeee)
    If Mishael-kun is a Hideyoshi then they’ll be cutest!!!! Viva traps! Long live traps!!

    Thanks for the chapter!! Congrats to your friend!

    Like

  2. Mi*ka*el: in hebrew is the name of one of 4 angles who are mentioned in a prayer. Mishel is the french way of pronouncing. The meaning of the name is: mi=who, ka=as, el=god. Who is as god? A praise to god kinda name…
    Any way thank you for your hard work.

    Like

  3. And besides, saying that if you clear the deepest level and wish you have can be granted seems false.
    I’m not sure how to correct this sentence, but it’s improper grammar so it needs to be.

    Good job and thank you.

    Like

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