VendM 051: Reality and Fantasy

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

Reality and Fantasy

“What’s a period? Is that food?”(Pel)

“I wonder; I haven’t heard of it either, na.”(Shote)

“Looks like it’s something related to women, but Suko, do you know?”(Mikene)

“Um, let’s see; it happens a lot for females of humans, or like the primate races, but it’s a characteristic symptom of females when blood flows from their lower regions.”

The Big Eaters Brigade gathered together and secretively whispered through a conversation like boys in the upper years of elementary school would have.

Oh yeah, other than humans and a small portion of animals, no others menstruate, and even if they do, I heard that it’s pretty light.

“Gawdammit, you’re bein’ unreasonable. Ramis, I bet this time your period’s on the heavy side. A-a, your underwear and the cloth is all smeared in blood, ain’t it. If it’s like this, we gotta change your cloth or else ye gotta be worried about gettin’ a disease.”

“Au-, yes ma’am…”

“It ain’t like this is something to be embarrassed about, giving birth to children is a woman’s privilege. You need to treat the matter more importantly.”

I can’t see what they’re doing, but just from their voices I can tell that Hyurumi is dealing with it quickly. With regards to this, men are weak, na. If there was anything within my power … after providing a clean towel there’s, a-, maa, there is something, na.

I pick out <Manual Sanitary Items Vending Machine> from my functions and form change.

I change into a pure-white body, as if appealing cleanliness, and I’ve also become quite slim. As the “Manual” in this vending machine’s name implies, it’s the type that doesn’t need electricity, and when you put in the coin and turn the lever the product comes out.

The products this vending machine sells are only two. Napkins and Masks.

Probably, if you were a girl you’d have the chance to see them in the bathrooms in areas like department stores and the train stations. I imagine that the men who have seen it are few.

So then what, I’m limited to only being able to provide products that I’ve purchased myself before, so … n,no, it’s not like there’s anything I have to feel guilty about.

My relatives are in the cleaning industry; in my student days I was a part-timer a number of times. There were times were I cleaned both men and women’s toilets, and when I saw a vending machine I hadn’t seen before, without knowing what its contents were I bought them strictly out of past curiosity. –tte, like that matters right now.

Are, what happened to Hakkon all of a sudden? He’s become slim and white, na. To change right now, it must have some sort of meaning, huh? I’ll try putting in a coin.” (Ramis)

With Ramis and Hyurumi as the other party, my intentions get through easily; it truly helps out.

Turning the lever, the product came out, but although they stared at it, it seems they don’t know what it is so they tilted their heads.

“Heeh, it’s a something different, na. This clear pouch ain’t needed, na. It’s weird textured cloth … no, paper, huh?”

Tampering with it while investigating, currently, without me doing anything, she came to an understanding so, while she kept making mistakes, she somehow knows how to use it now.

“This be pretty amazing, na, it’s got a fierce absorption rate. If it’s this, then even on the days when it comes out a lot, you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

Letting water from a water bottle soak into a newly bought sanitary napkin, she was impressed.

Periods are also a real-life issue, na. You can find lots of women adventurers in fantasy works, but it seems in reality there are quite the hidden hardships.

“Want me to wash your bloody trousers and underwear with water from Hakkon?” (Hyurumi)

“A, I can wash it. Since I have washed my older sister’s and mother’s things.” (Mishael)

When I, who was placed near the wagon, saw Mishael take the dirty underwear and trousers without showing even a little dislike for it, I admired him. As a male it’s something you have a little resistance towards, but because it looks like he had a female-run family he seems to have gotten used to it.
For the sake of this man, I add a new function.
I’ve thought about taking this way back, but I change into <Fully Automatic All-in-One Coin Washer and Dryer>. This is the drum-type washers at the coin laundries.

For Hunters, because it becomes luggage, even if they prepared clothes it would only be one change at best, so they don’t mind the unhygenic look that’s their daily wear. With this, even in the middle of subjugating monsters and in the middle of requests they can wash their clothes, so I thought they would be pleased.

For now I open the round door with a *pop* and appeal that they should throw it in here. Mishael is a friendly young man who has no bad intentions at all, but I am resistant to having him hand wash Ramis’ underwear, na.

“He changed into a mysterious shape, but what does he want, I wonder?”(Mishael)

“Looks like Hakkon wants ya to put the dirty things in there.”(Hyurumi)

“Welcome.”(Hakkon)

“Then, I am putting them in.”(Mishael)

This time is a trial run as well as a free service. Since there’s an automatic detergent dispensing device attached I put it in, and now there’s only waiting. Just saying, you can set the wash style and time, but I went and did all of those operations.

It seems like Mishael is having fun watching the washing machine; he’s staring in with his face near the glass. Seeing him like that, the Big Eaters Brigade had their curiosity stimulated, so all members are watching the clothes being washed go round and round. What’s with this situation.

A washing machine’s performance should be about 30-40 minutes, but because I raised my speed, it finished in about 10 minutes. I was right to raise my speed, na. I can’t transform for more than two hours, so if I hadn’t shortened the time then this would be a function I couldn’t use often.

When the sound that meant it was done sounded, the Big Eaters Brigade jumped backwards with a “BUAAAAAA-!” and were surprised. I’m already getting used to their screaming look.

When he opened the door, hesitating a bit, Mishael thrust his hand in, took out the washed trousers and underwear, and lifted them to the sky. The underwear and trousers are blowing in the wind that blows through the wasteland.

Mishael, staring at womens’ trousers and underwear. No matter how much being an ikemen can count for, it won’t be able to cover for this.

“This is amazing, it’s pure white!”

He grabbed my body that had become a washing machine, shaking my entire body violently. Are, he’s way more into it than I thought, na.

“Let’s wash other dirty clothes! I’ll throw everything I have other than my armor in. Everyone, bring out your dirty clothes please!”

Soon after I stopped, he was taking dirty clothes from his backpack, putting them into the washer. As for Hyurumi she stripped off in the wagon, with just a piece of underwear on she stuck her face out and threw her laundry into the washer.

The Big Eaters Brigade were no exception; taking off their jackets, remaining only in their shoes, they stood there dumbfounded.

“It’s great, isn’t it, I mean the process of removing the dirt. Cleaning a room is like this as well, but don’t you think making clothes clean is the best feeling? In my household the maids rarely let me, so right now I’m having a lot of fun.”

Aa, so that’s why his eyes were sparkling so much when he was watching the inside of the washing machine. He was more delighted than anything.  I found out from his statement just now about the maids in his house, but this person had such a high social standing, na.

However, even if there’s only the earnest Mishael, how is it that a young girl would expose her healthy body in just her underwear? Ramis is also in a state of being half-dressed. She just hasn’t noticed it because she’s not feeling well, it seems.

Mishael is in a position where he can’t see inside the wagon, but if it’s in the place where I am, you can see the girls’ forms well.

It’s a rare opportunity, so should I check out the girls in their underwear? If I get to know the girls’ tastes, I’ll be able to use it in future product expansion, na. That’s all it is, there’s no other deeper meanings. I don’t have any ulterior motives at all. Not even a bit.

Maa, I say check out, but unlike modern day Japan, there aren’t any elaborate designs. It’s just, she’s a Hunter who’s mainly a muscle-laborer, so Ramis has a T-back, huh? If you do vigorous movements, that type might be better.

After that on the petite body are the heinously large orbs, but losing to gravity, they push down on the chest. Usually they’re compressed by leather armor, so as of yet they haven’t given as strong of an effect, but when lightly dressed the destructive power isn’t half-assed. Even though she’s lying down, I can tell that size isn’t normal at a glance.

“Ramis, did your chest get bigger again?”

“… Maybe. I can’t really tell.”

Taking a good, hard stare, after Hyurumi observed the weakened Ramis’ chest, she changed her line of sight to her own chest and “Ha-“ gave a worn out sigh.

For that girl, she has just a black cloth wrapped around her chest; it’s practically flat. As always, she’s got a good shape and thickness in the butt, but for girls it seems the concern is all about the chest.

Personally, whether it’s big or whether it’s small, there aren’t any problems, but in regards to male instincts, my eyes are on the women with big chests. Well yeah, women are going to be bothered by it.

In this situation, if it’s a guy then they’d be thrilled with excitement, but what has that got to do with me that’s a vending machine? No, right now I’m a washing machine. In this form I’d be troubled if I had to release sexual desire, so it would be weird for me to complain about it.

The washing and drying finished; it seems all the members who put on the washed laundry were satisfied with the faint smell of the scented detergent and the texture.

“So, how about taking the rest of the day today to rest?”

“Yah. It’s still noon, but once in a while it’s fine, I guess.”

Worried for Ramis’ condition, it seems it’s decided that we won’t move for the rest of the day today. The Big Eaters Brigade sprawled out on the ground and sun-bathed.

Mishael’s delight over the washing still hasn’t disappeared, so he was thinking about whether to unfasten the wagon’s canopy and wash it. Hyurumi is on the wagon, checking on the sleeping Ramis’ condition from time to time while reading some kind of book.

Well then, what should I do? For now let’s return from the washing machine to the usual vending machine. A-, Mishael’s is frankly making a disappointed face.

Oh yeah, right now I’ve got a surplus of points, so I could also try seeing what kind of effects the status changes have.

The statuses of the vending machine are Endurance, Durability, Strength, Speed, Dexterity, and Magic.

After all this time, I have nothing I need to investigate about Endurance and Durability. Speed raises the speed of all operations, so I will be likely to raise it more from now on.

Now then, the problems are the left over Strength, Dexterity, and Magic, but even if you spend PTs Magic won’t go up, so it’s excluded.
And so it’s about Strength, but what exactly is a vending machine’s Strength1?
As of now, there’s been nothing that I’ve needed power for while existing in the form of a vending machine. If I grow hands and feet and can move on my own, then it might be an indispensable ability. I think, as of now, there’s no way to use it.

What’s left is Dexterity … what is that? Does that mean that it would be possible to make more precise actions? Right now I haven’t been able to find any functions where precise actions are needed, so I don’t feel the necessity to raise this either.

To raise both to 10 I need ten thousand points, but it feels like a waste to spend on abilities I don’t know how to use, na.
In the end, just considering it without raising any abilities, the day wore on.


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  1. Literally in Japanese, Strength is muscular strength, hence his confusion.

<T/n: wtf am I translating… Sometimes I feel like a dirty old man, when translating some of vending machine.
Hai~, I’ve decided on how to translate the weird demon names, finally. I’ve finished editing the names in the maze arc, and I will go back through the rest for the frog/alligator ones later.
Also! I picked up the series Kujonin (Exterminator), and this rotation comes with a 3 chapter upload of Kujonin. Meshi agare!(bon appetite)>

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32 comments

  1. Thanks for the new chapter! Lol! Well with the cast, some fan service type stuff shouldn’t be totally unexpected considering the occasional comedic nature of the story.

    Like

    1. This might not count as fan service, since the chapter also deals with menstruation.

      Unless you’re into that stuff. I won’t judge.

      Like

  2. I wonder if higher Strength would allow him to hold alternate forms longer. Dexterity… hmmm, increased capacity for products, maybe? Based on the logic that he could pack products more efficiently. 🤔

    Like

  3. I kinda want him to pull a spirit migration and be able to turn into a human but with limitations like he has to turn back to a vending machine to dispense stuff… :3

    Poor Ramis though… 😥
    Pahahaha laundry hero… new vid game? xD

    Thankee for the chapter~~

    Hakkon the peeping vending machine xD

    Like

      1. True but I meant that there could be more possibilities of interactions if he’s able to shift form. Either that, or he finally gets a voicebox recorder as an upgrade and records everyone’s voices and phrases so that he can re-arrange all the vocab to form coherent sentences apart from his stock phrases xD

        The limitations were to necessitate the return to heavy machine mode when dispensing and switching back to human mode to interact with people xD think of it as a mobile lemonade stand of sorts XD

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    1. I think he chose to ignore it because it’s too expensive and that he may only be able to transmit the words he’s already limited to speaking.

      Like

  4. It seems like Mishael is having fun watching the washing machine; he’s staring in with his face near the glass. Seeing him like that, the Big Eaters Brigade had their curiosity stimulated, so all members are watching the clothes being “watched” go round and round. What’s with this situation”.”
    I’m not sure if the watched is supposed to be washed, also you put a period instead of a question mark at the end.

    good job and thank you

    Like

  5. Thanks for the chapter!

    I don’t think I’ve seen any other animangln dealing with that time of the month besides Slayers and Galko-chan 🙂

    Like

  6. It’s too bad the MC had never tried a Gacha, gumball, or turn-handle type candy vending machine. Those are physically small vending machines that don’t use electric power. If he changed into that form, then he could be easily carried by many people.

    While Hakkon is gone on the trip, I wonder how the village is going to replenish its stocks of materials for all those restaurants that competed and drove out the chain restaurant that tried to create a foothold there….. I guess they have to find more expensive sources of raw materials….. Or maybe we aren’t supposed to remember Hakkon has created an ecosystem of sorts that if he is yanked out for a month to go on a trip somewhere, the businesses dependent on that ecosystem will have a downturn.

    Like

  7. Thanks for the chapter.

    Thought of a way Hakkon could communicate, although it is a bit cumbersome.

    Dispense paper and pen.
    Have someone write words on the paper.
    Take a pic of paper with security camera.
    Display pics of words to form sentences.

    The ideal would be to be able to make a composite image of a bunch of pics and show one full sentence on the screen at once, instead of having to display each word one by one.

    Like

  8. Hmm, if he can become anything coin operated that he has used in his previous life could he become a copy machine? 7-11s in Japan have coin operated ones in a corner of the store, they take in a coin and dispense copies of the orginal.

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    1. I’m amazed no one wants Hakkon to vend alcohol. The modern alcoholic beverages must be many times better tasting than these roughly made ales. And they might not have developed the columnar refining methods of removing specific cogeners from whiskey.

      Speculation Corner:

      Can Hakkon still extend his vending machine item list? It is a must-test item for any scientist.

      Once Hakkon gets telekinesis, he can use it to draw an image and instructions on the ground for Hyurumi to look at. It would be to construct a CRUDE vending machine. It does not need to have security. All it needs is the ability to accept a coin and a hopper large enough to release an item. A weapon can be placed in the hopper and Hakkon would use telekinesis to insert a coin and then pull the low friction lever.

      Hakkon has now purchased an item from a vending machine. Can this item now be vended by Hakkon? If so, it is time for someone to put in a bag of gold coins. If one gold coin can be used to buy 10 gold coins, then hello inflation. But more importantly, he can reproduce materials such as adamantite, quivers of arrows, and replacement tools. Put a chunk of adamantite in, vend it, and now Hakkon can generate adamantite faster than Satou or Sage Mathias.

      Like

    2. I can understand why regular vending machines have speakers especially since so many of them have video screens. But Hakkon’s washing machine was able to say “Welcome” so do these Japanese washing/drying machines have built-in speakers too? If so, then Hakkon’s native vocabulary would have changed to match what types of built-in spoken phrases are built-into those machines.

      Like

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