VendM 051: Reality and Fantasy

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma
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Reality and Fantasy

“What’s a period? Is that food?”(Pel)

“I wonder; I haven’t heard of it either, na.”(Shote)

“Looks like it’s something related to women, but Suko, do you know?”(Mikene)

“Um, let’s see; it happens a lot for females of humans, or like the primate races, but it’s a characteristic symptom of females when blood flows from their lower regions.”

The Big Eaters Brigade gathered together and secretively whispered through a conversation like boys in the upper years of elementary school would have.

Oh yeah, other than humans and a small portion of animals, no others menstruate, and even if they do, I heard that it’s pretty light.

“Gawdammit, you’re bein’ unreasonable. Ramis, I bet this time your period’s on the heavy side. A-a, your underwear and the cloth is all smeared in blood, ain’t it. If it’s like this, we gotta change your cloth or else ye gotta be worried about gettin’ a disease.”

“Au-, yes ma’am…”

“It ain’t like this is something to be embarrassed about, giving birth to children is a woman’s privilege. You need to treat the matter more importantly.”

I can’t see what they’re doing, but just from their voices I can tell that Hyurumi is dealing with it quickly. With regards to this, men are weak, na. If there was anything within my power … after providing a clean towel there’s, a-, maa, there is something, na.

I pick out <Manual Sanitary Items Vending Machine> from my functions and form change.

I change into a pure-white body, as if appealing cleanliness, and I’ve also become quite slim. As the “Manual” in this vending machine’s name implies, it’s the type that doesn’t need electricity, and when you put in the coin and turn the lever the product comes out.

The products this vending machine sells are only two. Napkins and Masks.

Probably, if you were a girl you’d have the chance to see them in the bathrooms in areas like department stores and the train stations. I imagine that the men who have seen it are few.

So then what, I’m limited to only being able to provide products that I’ve purchased myself before, so … n,no, it’s not like there’s anything I have to feel guilty about.

My relatives are in the cleaning industry; in my student days I was a part-timer a number of times. There were times were I cleaned both men and women’s toilets, and when I saw a vending machine I hadn’t seen before, without knowing what its contents were I bought them strictly out of past curiosity. –tte, like that matters right now.

“Are, what happened to Hakkon all of a sudden? He’s become slim and white, na. To change right now, it must have some sort of meaning, huh? I’ll try putting in a coin.” (Ramis)

With Ramis and Hyurumi as the other party, my intentions get through easily; it truly helps out.

Turning the lever, the product came out, but although they stared at it, it seems they don’t know what it is so they tilted their heads.

“Heeh, it’s a something different, na. This clear pouch ain’t needed, na. It’s weird textured cloth … no, paper, huh?”

Tampering with it while investigating, currently, without me doing anything, she came to an understanding so, while she kept making mistakes, she somehow knows how to use it now.

“This be pretty amazing, na, it’s got a fierce absorption rate. If it’s this, then even on the days when it comes out a lot, you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

Letting water from a water bottle soak into a newly bought sanitary napkin, she was impressed.

Periods are also a real-life issue, na. You can find lots of women adventurers in fantasy works, but it seems in reality there are quite the hidden hardships.

“Want me to wash your bloody trousers and underwear with water from Hakkon?” (Hyurumi)

“A, I can wash it. Since I have washed my older sister’s and mother’s things.” (Mishael)

When I, who was placed near the wagon, saw Mishael take the dirty underwear and trousers without showing even a little dislike for it, I admired him. As a male it’s something you have a little resistance towards, but because it looks like he had a female-run family he seems to have gotten used to it.
For the sake of this man, I add a new function.
I’ve thought about taking this way back, but I change into <Fully Automatic All-in-One Coin Washer and Dryer>. This is the drum-type washers at the coin laundries.

For Hunters, because it becomes luggage, even if they prepared clothes it would only be one change at best, so they don’t mind the unhygenic look that’s their daily wear. With this, even in the middle of subjugating monsters and in the middle of requests they can wash their clothes, so I thought they would be pleased.

For now I open the round door with a *pop* and appeal that they should throw it in here. Mishael is a friendly young man who has no bad intentions at all, but I am resistant to having him hand wash Ramis’ underwear, na.

“He changed into a mysterious shape, but what does he want, I wonder?”(Mishael)

“Looks like Hakkon wants ya to put the dirty things in there.”(Hyurumi)

“Welcome.”(Hakkon)

“Then, I am putting them in.”(Mishael)

This time is a trial run as well as a free service. Since there’s an automatic detergent dispensing device attached I put it in, and now there’s only waiting. Just saying, you can set the wash style and time, but I went and did all of those operations.

It seems like Mishael is having fun watching the washing machine; he’s staring in with his face near the glass. Seeing him like that, the Big Eaters Brigade had their curiosity stimulated, so all members are watching the clothes being washed go round and round. What’s with this situation.

A washing machine’s performance should be about 30-40 minutes, but because I raised my speed, it finished in about 10 minutes. I was right to raise my speed, na. I can’t transform for more than two hours, so if I hadn’t shortened the time then this would be a function I couldn’t use often.

When the sound that meant it was done sounded, the Big Eaters Brigade jumped backwards with a “BUAAAAAA-!” and were surprised. I’m already getting used to their screaming look.

When he opened the door, hesitating a bit, Mishael thrust his hand in, took out the washed trousers and underwear, and lifted them to the sky. The underwear and trousers are blowing in the wind that blows through the wasteland.

Mishael, staring at womens’ trousers and underwear. No matter how much being an ikemen can count for, it won’t be able to cover for this.

“This is amazing, it’s pure white!”

He grabbed my body that had become a washing machine, shaking my entire body violently. Are, he’s way more into it than I thought, na.

“Let’s wash other dirty clothes! I’ll throw everything I have other than my armor in. Everyone, bring out your dirty clothes please!”

Soon after I stopped, he was taking dirty clothes from his backpack, putting them into the washer. As for Hyurumi she stripped off in the wagon, with just a piece of underwear on she stuck her face out and threw her laundry into the washer.

The Big Eaters Brigade were no exception; taking off their jackets, remaining only in their shoes, they stood there dumbfounded.

“It’s great, isn’t it, I mean the process of removing the dirt. Cleaning a room is like this as well, but don’t you think making clothes clean is the best feeling? In my household the maids rarely let me, so right now I’m having a lot of fun.”

Aa, so that’s why his eyes were sparkling so much when he was watching the inside of the washing machine. He was more delighted than anything.  I found out from his statement just now about the maids in his house, but this person had such a high social standing, na.

However, even if there’s only the earnest Mishael, how is it that a young girl would expose her healthy body in just her underwear? Ramis is also in a state of being half-dressed. She just hasn’t noticed it because she’s not feeling well, it seems.

Mishael is in a position where he can’t see inside the wagon, but if it’s in the place where I am, you can see the girls’ forms well.

It’s a rare opportunity, so should I check out the girls in their underwear? If I get to know the girls’ tastes, I’ll be able to use it in future product expansion, na. That’s all it is, there’s no other deeper meanings. I don’t have any ulterior motives at all. Not even a bit.

Maa, I say check out, but unlike modern day Japan, there aren’t any elaborate designs. It’s just, she’s a Hunter who’s mainly a muscle-laborer, so Ramis has a T-back, huh? If you do vigorous movements, that type might be better.

After that on the petite body are the heinously large orbs, but losing to gravity, they push down on the chest. Usually they’re compressed by leather armor, so as of yet they haven’t given as strong of an effect, but when lightly dressed the destructive power isn’t half-assed. Even though she’s lying down, I can tell that size isn’t normal at a glance.

“Ramis, did your chest get bigger again?”

“… Maybe. I can’t really tell.”

Taking a good, hard stare, after Hyurumi observed the weakened Ramis’ chest, she changed her line of sight to her own chest and “Ha-“ gave a worn out sigh.

For that girl, she has just a black cloth wrapped around her chest; it’s practically flat. As always, she’s got a good shape and thickness in the butt, but for girls it seems the concern is all about the chest.

Personally, whether it’s big or whether it’s small, there aren’t any problems, but in regards to male instincts, my eyes are on the women with big chests. Well yeah, women are going to be bothered by it.

In this situation, if it’s a guy then they’d be thrilled with excitement, but what has that got to do with me that’s a vending machine? No, right now I’m a washing machine. In this form I’d be troubled if I had to release sexual desire, so it would be weird for me to complain about it.

The washing and drying finished; it seems all the members who put on the washed laundry were satisfied with the faint smell of the scented detergent and the texture.

“So, how about taking the rest of the day today to rest?”

“Yah. It’s still noon, but once in a while it’s fine, I guess.”

Worried for Ramis’ condition, it seems it’s decided that we won’t move for the rest of the day today. The Big Eaters Brigade sprawled out on the ground and sun-bathed.

Mishael’s delight over the washing still hasn’t disappeared, so he was thinking about whether to unfasten the wagon’s canopy and wash it. Hyurumi is on the wagon, checking on the sleeping Ramis’ condition from time to time while reading some kind of book.

Well then, what should I do? For now let’s return from the washing machine to the usual vending machine. A-, Mishael’s is frankly making a disappointed face.

Oh yeah, right now I’ve got a surplus of points, so I could also try seeing what kind of effects the status changes have.

The statuses of the vending machine are Endurance, Durability, Strength, Speed, Dexterity, and Magic.

After all this time, I have nothing I need to investigate about Endurance and Durability. Speed raises the speed of all operations, so I will be likely to raise it more from now on.

Now then, the problems are the left over Strength, Dexterity, and Magic, but even if you spend PTs Magic won’t go up, so it’s excluded.
And so it’s about Strength, but what exactly is a vending machine’s Strength¹?
As of now, there’s been nothing that I’ve needed power for while existing in the form of a vending machine. If I grow hands and feet and can move on my own, then it might be an indispensable ability. I think, as of now, there’s no way to use it.

What’s left is Dexterity … what is that? Does that mean that it would be possible to make more precise actions? Right now I haven’t been able to find any functions where precise actions are needed, so I don’t feel the necessity to raise this either.

To raise both to 10 I need ten thousand points, but it feels like a waste to spend on abilities I don’t know how to use, na.
In the end, just considering it without raising any abilities, the day wore on.

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1. Literally in Japanese, Strength is muscular strength, hence his confusion.

<T/n: wtf am I translating… Sometimes I feel like a dirty old man, when translating some of vending machine.
Hai~, I’ve decided on how to translate the weird demon names, finally. I’ve finished editing the names in the maze arc, and I will go back through the rest for the frog/alligator ones later.
Also! I picked up the series Kujonin (Exterminator), and this rotation comes with a 3 chapter upload of Kujonin. Meshi agare!(bon appetite)>