vendm102: The Fools of Whimsy Brigade and Vending Machine Classifications

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma
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The Fools of Whimsy Brigade and Vending Machine Classifications

“I would have never thought that Hevoy-san is with the Fools of Whimsy Brigade.”

Ramis gave her honest opinion as the shoe fetishist rolled around on the ground while all tied up, glancing all over with a happy-looking face.

“Yeah, unfortunately. He seemed upright when we first met him, but when he became a brigade member his true colors appeared.” (keryoil)

“I was happy to have a healer, but …” (felmina)

Leader and Vice-Leader sighed together.
They were done in by how different he was from their expectations, no doubt. How pitiful.

“But, well, THAT is talented.” (red)

“That’s right, Red. THAT has saved our lives many times.” (white)

So the Red-White twins recognize his abilities? They’re not showing that much disgust even with his shoe fetish.

“You guys get along with Hevoy pretty well, huh?” (keryoil)

“Everyone has their own preferences and we don’t really care about it, I guess. Right, White?”

“It’s way better than a guy who won’t talk about it but has a seriously bad preference, right-.”

There’s some truth in that. If you think about it carefully, it’s kind of safe since he’s only interested in shoes and does nothing to the body … it’s safe, right?

“But it’s been awhile. I mean, that this many members of the Fools of Whimsy Brigade have been together.” (felmina)

“Now that you say it, that’s right. We’ve got so many free spirited and wild guys, it gives your Leader a hard time.” (keryoil)

Leader Keryoil conveys the sensation that he’s been having it tough, but the brigade members’ eyes are all saying, ‘You’re not one to talk.’
Speaking of brigade members, the number of other members they said when we first met was … did they say it was eight members in all?

“Rem ain ing”
“mem ber”

“Oh, you’re interested in the other members? Well, look forward to meeting them.”

He’s being unclear with his words? It does seem like there’s still some people left, though. Saying I should look forward to meeting the other members makes me uneasy.

“Well, if we met earlier we could have played a more active role, but now there’s the excellent healer, Principal-sensei.”

As Leader Keryoil said, most wounds can be healed with Principal-sensei here. That said, leaving it all to one person makes it a problem regarding stamina, so it’s reassuring to have him here.

“But meeting back up with Hevoy is big in another way. When the Fools of Whimsy Brigade have to take separate actions, we’ll be able to move much more easily.”

“So you say, but aren’t we focusing on defenses and restoring the transfer circle on this level?”

“Vice-Leader Felmina. You seem to have forgotten the important information we heard from Ramis. If we find the guy controlling the monsters on this level, this place will also be safe.”

“You don’t mean to go out and aim for him?”

Leader Keryoil silently nods, confirming Vice-Leader Felmina’s words.
So he means to slip out from behind that barricade? There’s food and drinks, and the citizens are now in a safe situation. The remaining hunters are also enough for the defenses. It’s not a careless thought, huh?

“That said, it ain’t going to be right away. It would be ideal if the transfer circle was connected so it’s possible to come and go, and if the personnel for defenses could be increased a little.”

So it’s a discussion for when the transfer circle is operational. The community investigation isn’t over yet. I’m also worried about Clear Stream Lake level, so I hope we’re connected soon.
I’ll have to bring the one who’s having a tough time facing the transfer circle, Hyurumi, her favorite ice cream and sports drink.

—

Night fell on the Starting Level.
I’m installed near the barricade with the hunters in charge of defense watching over it, in order to sell food or drink whenever they need it as well as standing watch.
That said, there’s no one to talk to so it can’t be helped that I have free time. It’s been a while, so let’s check my abilities and functions.
First off, you can’t be forgetting the basics. I’m thinking about reviewing the vending machine’s categories.
I might think this is common sense so it’s natural to remember it, but I think it’s important act to do in order for a maniac to not forget his knowledge.
Now then, this is the basics among basics, but the country divides vending machines largely into two groups. <Goods vending machines> and <automatic service machines>.

<Goods vending machines> are the vending machines that sell goods on the spot.
If you classify them further, the categories for beverage vending machines only are divided into cold beverage vending machines, coffee beverage machines, alcoholic beverage vending machines, dairy beverage machines, beverage vending machines that sell various types together, and miscellaneous beverages vending machine.
And then, when it comes to commodity vending machines, there are small differences between snack vending machines, cooking product vending machines, and frozen desserts and ice vending machines.
After that, there are cigarette vending machines, ticket vending machines, postage-stationary-stamp-certification vending machines, newspaper and magazine vending machines, daily-use and miscellaneous goods vending machines, vending machines that sell all of those in combination, and other miscellaneous vending machines.

This information is recorded in the General Ministry of Japanese Standard Product Classification, and it’s something vending machine maniacs should want to look at once. There are even more detailed classifications, so I’m sure it will be interesting.
I had previously recommended it to a friend, the moment he saw the homepage, he furrowed his brows and looked at me again. It didn’t seem to be suited to his tastes.
– I’m getting sidetracked.
The classification of vending machines also includes <service information vending machines>, which are often confused with <automatic service machines>. Amateurs tend to do that, I thought. And I told my friend that, but

“You normally wouldn’t know about that.”

He said in a cold voice. Wonder why.
Let’s go back. If you ask what kind of categories <automatic service machines> have, there are money changers, ball/medal lending machines, automatic lending machines (like videos or software), automatic ticket gate, automatic admission machine, automatic photo booth, coin lockers, coin laundries, and various other sorts of automatic service machines.
Are these <automatic service machines> recognized as vending machines? It often happens where people with differing opinions run into each other, turning it into a hot debate.

Well, it may look like I’m arrogantly investigating it, but I only remembered this information accurately recently. I should have investigated it in the past, and it should all be thrown into my head, but I didn’t have any awareness of before I became a vending machine; my memories might have been a little jumbled up.
Returning back to the discussion. Before I knew the truth, I thought <automatic service machines> were vending machines, so I loved them as much as <goods vending machines>.
And I think that’s why there’s the <Pressure Washer> in the column categorized under <automatic service machines>.

I only noticed it recently, but there are a lot of things that are classified as <automatic service machines> among the functions that can be chosen now that I’ve become rank 2. At the very least, there are more <automatic service machines> that I haven’t used even once before becoming rank 2.
It might be a good time for me to finally learn a new rank 2 function. There are a lot of them I’m interested in, but I can’t waste points when taking them, so one or two would be the limit.

Also, I don’t know what the requirements were, but a new column of functions have appeared. As for what it is – rank 3. It seems that my vending machine can evolve even further.
The moment I found it I was going to choose it without fail, but the needed points for taking rank 3 is 3,000,000 points. It isn’t normal.
Ku- just that need s such an extravagant amount of points, so it’s obvious that my expectations towards rank 3 are even higher. Recently it’s become part of my routine to fantasize about what sorts of things I’ll be able to do.

Right now I have 1,000,000 points saved up so I intended to take <Telepathy>, but honestly, I’ve been thinking I can put it off for a little bit longer now. It’s faltering, but I can somewhat have conversations, so it’s not a blessing I need immediately … right?
By no means is this a vending machine maniac trying to compromise with his high expectations for rank 3.
That said, it may seem like I’m making excuses inside, but in all seriousness, there have been way too many dangerous things recently. I do want to investigate each of the levels’ situations, but I’m also worried about what the Ruler of the Netherworld will do from hereon.
I think it’s natural to acquire a new power here. I have yet to reach it with points, but the hopes of reaching it will become fuel for me.
Even a vending machine like me can see the dream of evolution; how happy it makes me.

“I wonder if I might have a cold tea?”

Standing in front of me before I realized it, the white priest-robed Hevoy peered at the products all lined up.
Looking like this, he looks like an honest, perfect priest.

“Welcome.”

“There really are all sorts of goods I haven’t seen before. Ramis-san’s recommendation was this drink with a strange color, I believe.”

So he chose milk tea? It looks like he learned how to open it during the day, so he twisted the lid off the bottle and put it to his lips – not, he pulled something out from his breast pocket.

“Wa it.”

“Oh my, you really speak. Is there something inconveniencing you?”

It’s not an inconvenience. What is that you pulled out of your pocket?

“Could it be that you think this cup is strange? It’s something that’s quite old, after all.”

That thing that’s brown and discolored and made out of cloth isn’t a cup. No matter how I look at it, that’s a shoe.

“Aah, are you worried the contents will leak out? It’s alright, there’s a proper cup made out of wood inside.”

If you look closely, there’s a handle jutting out of the heel portion of the shoe. I see, there’s a just a shoe covering it, it’s just a cop . No nonono!

“By the way, this shoe is one that has been worn for ten years straight, and it’s made with monster hide so it’s quite durable. It’s owner is a talented hunter, and her sweat and experience have permeated into such a splendid shoe, don’t you agree?”

A manic becomes talkative when he talks about the things he likes. I’m fine because I can’t talk even if I want to … let’s be careful

“Aah, of course I’ve washed it clean so it doesn’t smell.”

Is that so? I’m just a little bit relieved.

“I am only able to enjoy the scent for about a week … generally.”

What did you mutter just now? He really is a pervert without a doubt. Although I already knew it.

“You have a person’s soul inside, correct?”

“Ye ah”

“You have been burdened with quite the unlucky fate, but it might be better for you to pass it with a little more enjoyment. Won’t your nerves be stiff in such a body?”

While patting my body, he gave a smirk. I guess it was a gag to loosen up the atmosphere.

“Thank you very mu ch”

“I’d prefer you to laugh rather than thank me, though. Even so, you don’t wear shoes do you, Hakkon-san.”

Sorry to let you down, but a vending machine does not wear shoes. Even if you stare at my legs, feet aren’t going to sprout from them.

“Life passes only once. It’s your loss if you don’t do the things you want to.”

With Hevoy, who does whatever he wants, saying it, it does have some persuasive power. This is my second life, but this time I’ve decided to live my vending machine life to satisfaction.

“This is random, but Hakkon-san, you have a hint of being someone with a special preference like me.”
“Yo u are wro ng.”

Let me refute that firmly.

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<t/n: Hevoy’s gag makes more sense in Japanese (aren’t your nerves ‘hard’ in such a (hard) body), but honestly, it falls flat either way so I didn’t bother making it better.
If anything, the awkward bad-pun atmosphere is better in the faulty English vers.>