VendM 024: Whereabouts

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma


While I’m still unable to think of a way to break the deadlock, two days have come and passed on into night. Those guys seem to think I’m broken, so they haven’t come even once to buy my products.

Though, the three guys I passed the porn-mags onto, they’ve come just once more, acting shady and sneaking sidelong glances at me. Looks like that trio didn’t spread the news about me transforming and giving them the magazines for free. Probably, if they told the other guys about it, then the news that they were going to assault Hyurumi would spread; of course they’d hate for it to reach the Boss’ ears.
Or they could be afraid that the magazines would be confiscated.

While conversing with me, Hyurumi conducted a very laid-back analysis. It’s not because she wants to report to the Boss; she’s doing it out of pure scientific curiosity.

For the time being, those guys deliver a morning and evening meal, but that girl threw everything into a barrel that was left in a corner of the room with a lid. All of her meals are provided for with things that I offer, so there’s no need for her to eat that disgusting stuff.

By the way, today’s dinner is two types of cup ramen and reformed potato chips. I thought about stocking new, novel products, but at this moment, Points are precious. To provide for the worst case scenario, even if it’s just a little, I decide to reserve some.

“Kuwaaa. Thanks for tonight too. Maan, your food rocks. Even if I study it like crazy, I won’t even be able to hold a candle to it.”

Though it’s not me that’s amazing, it’s the manufacturer’s abilities.

With two days’ time, thanks to feeding her meals to her stomach’s content, her skin’s become quite glossy. Vitality and meat seemed to return to her cheeks. With this, even though her figure had lost weight, you can see her attractiveness from before.

Her scruffy hair as well is slicked back with her fingers, taking on the appearance of picture-perfect hair. This is the result of my originally cold bottled water being warmed up, as well as me providing shampoo and toiletries that are provided by vending machines in hotels and bath houses. Of course I provided a towel too.

Fu-u, that feels good.”

Completely not minding the me who’s a vending machine, with her top half bared, hair washed, and body wiped down, Hyurumi drained a bottle of coffee milk, fully satisfied.

The height of the bath is the coffee milk. I won’t back down on that at all. Looking back over the girl who had stripped off her black coat, her top half is regrettable, but her bottom half has all the allures of a woman. If we’re talking child-bearing hips … she doesn’t have those, though.

If I were a regular guy then this would be an arousing scene, but since I’ve become a vending machine, that kind of urge has faded. It’s convenient that I don’t have any ways to divulge my emotions.

Hyurumi is acting like she has all the time in the world, but her time limit is the morning of tomorrow. Tonight is probably her last chance to run away. If I draw those guys’ attention, in that moment she could escape. That’s the best plan I could come up with, but I don’t have any techniques to communicate that.

What’s with this automatic communications disorder. If it’s going to be like this, then it might turn into a siege battle … if she can somehow get me in front of the door, it will be a lot harder for them to open the door. For food, I can put it out; if we’re talking one week, we would be able to hold out well.
But if we do that, how she’ll get me in front of the door is going to be a problem; it’s big hindrance to my plane.

Maa, what’s gonna happen’s gonna happen. Ain’t nothing for Hakkon to worry about! After I explain your worth to those guys, if we tell them it takes time for you to heal, they dumb, so we can trick them easily!”

After wiping her body completely dry, she took off the clothes she’d been wearing until now, and put on the underwear and over-sized man’s T-shirt I provided.

Aa, underwear with a loose, flowing T-shirt up top. To think that the situation I’d dreamed of fulfillment for at least once in Japan would be experienced in another world. Something I could only see after reincarnation.

Of course the underwear and T-shirt were things I bought from a vending machine. A, I would like to point out that I accidentally bought the women’s underwear. I’d REALLY like to point that out.

“It’s kinda cold to wear just this, as expected.”

Though she’s refreshed, she’s going to put on that black coat again, huh? I have experience purchasing underwear and shirts from vending machines, but unfortunately I haven’t seen pajamas. I bet you could find them if you looked for them, but though I’m a vending machine maniac, I’m still lacking.

I haven’t seen blankets or futons in vending machines, and even if there were, they’d be way too big for an impulse buy. That said, I can put out an over-sized bath towel. They’re goods that are often found in bath houses and hotels.

“This is so white and clean, I don’t really want to use it.”

I’d like you to use it without holding back. Or else you’ll catch a cold. I don’t know what’s going to happen from now on. You’ll need to be in perfect shape to prepare if you don’t want to give up until the end.

“Hakkon, you okay if we talk about something serious?”


She came around to my front and spread the bath towel on the ground, and there she sat with her legs crossed. If she sits like that her underwear is in full view, but she didn’t mind it at all. Maa, if the other party is a vending machine, it’d be a weird story to get embarrassed in front of it.

“Just in case, if you try to become a decoy to let me escape, it’s gonna be useless. Even if I get outside, we’re in a stretch of land with swarms of monsters; ya think me without any fighting abilities is gonna make it very far?”

She read me like a book, huh? Since, even though I’m only able to express my intentions with indicators for YES and NO, these past 2 days she’s talked to me a quite a bit. In the first place, she’s really smart, so reading me with my simple thought circuit is easy.

“Too bad.”

“Right? That’s why breaking out is a no go. We got no choice but to buy time and wait for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. From Hakkon’s side, I probably look like a super reckless chick. I ain’t got strength, just this trashy attitude, but I still live life on the edge. It ain’t like I’m not afraid of death. Nah, if anything, my feelings are just paralyzed about it  … Aa-, what am I talking about. Anyway, Imma sleep! Night!”

“Please come again.”

Right there she laid out and wrapped the bath towel over her head; in the blink of an eye she was asleep. That ability in sleeping can be called a special trait, my goodness.

We really did talk about something heavy. For her, there seems to be some circumstances she can’t tell people. I don’t have any means to try to ask and dig up anything and everything from her, and I don’t have any intentions on digging up the past she wants hidden anyway.

Anyway, it’s already late into the night. And those guys are probably keeping watch outside the door and throughout the repurposed fortress so I can’t do anything. Even if I could do something, exactly what could I do as a vending machine? I literally don’t have the hands for it.

What I can do for this girl is, in the case those idiots come a second time to assault her, I can protect her with Barrier, that’s it.

I get it, but I just can’t calm down, so I survey the room; an old desk, chair, the documents, a magic tool light; there isn’t anything like small hand tools. The ceiling height is about 3 meters thereabouts, and the walls, floor, and ceiling are all made of stone, so when you look at it, it appears solemn and sturdy.

When you talk about a “break out”, tunneling under the walls is the standard, but exactly how many years would it take that possibility? In the end, no matter how much I looked around, I couldn’t find any way to break the stalemate, so I was just about to give up and wait for tomorrow.

It was then that a faint sound flowed in, along with a faint shake to the vending machine body. E, what was that? It really is very faint, but didn’t it sound like something just burst?
Thinking it couldn’t be that, I primed my ears, and once again I heard something in the distance explode, along with the sounds of weapons clashing.

“Oi, what was that sound!?”

“It’s from upstairs!”

The guards keeping watch raised panicked voices and their footsteps faded into the distance. Is this the fortress getting attacked!? If that’s the case, I need to wake Hyurumi.

“Congratulations. You have won another bottle. Congratulations. You have won another bottle. Congratulations. You have won another bottle.”

Fuei? E, what, what, e, o , wh,what’s going on, Hakkon.”

Wiping away her drool with one hand, she stared at me with a blank expression. I can’t really explain, but anyway, here’s a canned coffee to wake you up.

“O-, thanks. Kuhaaaa, one of these right when you wake up hits the spot-!”

As always, she acts like an old man, but right now, who cares? The current situation is, no matter how I think about it, a raid. The problem is, who are those guys fighting?

There are about two possibilities on who’s raiding. The monsters on this level. Or just maybe – the Hunters.

With the community becoming lively, these villain-like guys might have sniffed out the money and come flooding in too. Stealing me is probably not their first offense; it’s likely that their crimes have been piling up. These guys might be marked.
Even if that’s the case, this timing is way too good to be a coincidence. That means …

A-, could it be that they were waiting for me to get stolen?
Me, who is a lucrative lump of iron sitting there, aren’t I the best target? I can’t move on my own, and I can’t resist, I’m just a big piggy bank left on the side of the road. So yeah, I’m basically a big target for criminals to aim at.

And then, stealing me would be a pretty big-scale job. I’m a heavy thing with the proportions to match, so it will take some time and effort to carry me off. There isn’t anyone else who would be more suitable for bait.
E, could it be that I’ve hit upon the tactics that the Bear President was thinking about using?
But, if it was the Bear President, then he would have told me before hand. No, could it be that when he was going to tell me, they attacked so he took advantage of it? Whichever, with their predictions coming true, they saved us!

“This sounds like … who they fighting?”

Now that Hyurumi’s finally wide awake, her always sharp eyes didn’t move from the door and she strained her ears while she stood.

“Yeah, they definitely fighting someone. I dunno who it is, but this might be our chance.”

She has the same opinion as me. Right now our biggest worry is the template where both parties get annihilated. If that happens, then we’ll end up remaining trapped in this room.

She’s been struggling to open the door since a while ago, but since it’s locked with a key from the outside, it looks like no matter what she does, it’s useless-ish.


E, that voice right then. It just needs a “Ha-“ and it’s a voice I’ve heard before. Hyurumi also seems to think so; she knit her brows together and clung to the door.

“Haaa-kkooooon! Wheeeeeere are yooooouuuu!”

I know that voice all too well; that loud voice you can hear from the other side of the massive door is —


That’s right, it’s Ramis’ voice!
There’s no way I’d mishear that voice. In other words, that means the ones who are attacking are the Hunters. We’re saved!

“A, e, why’s that chick here? The Hunter Association send her? And she’s calling Hakkon’s name. You mean, you know each other?”


“Ooooo-, that so! Then, I’d just get in the way and drag them down, so let’s stay put. It’d be way uncool to get taken as a hostage.”

Deciding that the safest place would be next to me, she put her clothes back on and entrusted her back to me.

“If it gets dicey, protect me, na!”


Leave it to me. If it’s just protection, I have confidence in it.

I can hear the clashing of weapons as well as harsh words. The ground tremors you’d feel from time to time are most likely originating from Ramis. If she’s removed her limiters and is wielding her Super-Strength at full force, the pillars and walls of the decaying, on the verge of collapse fortress might as well be made of styrofoam against her.

“This, could be bad.”

All of a sudden, Hyurumi’s voice leaked out as she stared at the ceiling. From that, I looked at the ceiling too, but I don’t see anything particularly off about it. A bit of dust is falling from it, but I don’t think it’s at the point of collapsing.

“Above us is a storage room; the coins those shits have been hoarding be stashed there. If it was just that, we’d be fine, but those morons put defective Magic Stones … aka Explosive Stones, all up in there. Originally Magic Stones be stones used as fuel for magic tools, but sometimes you get weird Magic Stones with internal magic power flowin’ through, and you can’t use them as fuel. If you’re shit with them and do it anyway, you’ll just bust your magic tool.”

So there are Magic Stones too. I was wondering how magic tools work, but I see, it was that sort of thing.

“And so, Magic Stones with defects is hard to handle; when a country tried to stash them up to be used as weapons, there be stories about how it blew to high heaven and took the surrounding land with it. That’s why it be common sense nowadays to get rid of them as soon as you find them … but those guys, fully knowing it, sold off the Explosive Stones as if they was Magic Stones to merchants many times, and have been stocking them up in the storage room above like crazy. They gotta be messed up in the head.”

If this was someone else’s problem, it’d be a story where you’d go, “Man, they’re dumb” and continue on, but in other words, above our heads is an explosion just waiting to happen … are they idiots!?

“So, yeah, you get that it’ll be real bad if the Explosive Stones get a strong shock. You’d be right in thinking even the roof up there would collapse.”

Aa, yeah. I don’t need any further explanation. Ramis-san, could you hold your strength back a little-!
Somehow, the oscillations and crashing are gradually getting closer, though-!

“A, that’s bad, for reals.”

In the moment that Hyurumi muttered that, the ceiling came tumbling down with a loud roar.

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<T/N: Thank you Luna for your donation!
Sorry, cliff-hanger.  I got a headache from translating this one, so Imma leave it hanging.
Hyurumi’s bad grammar is on purpose.>



  1. >Even if I could something
    do something

    >might have sniffed out the money and came flooding in

    Thank you for these chapters!

    (Also, I’m glad there was a satisfying solution in WfB. Well done!)


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