VendM 23: The Way to Satisfy Desire

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma

The Way to Satisfy Desire

I’m not mistaken in thinking of Hyurumi as an ally. Her life, at least until she solves my mystery, seems to be assured; looks like I won’t have to worry about her being killed.

From what Ramis said, she’s a person with wanderlust, so even if her whereabouts are unknown no one would be worried; the chances that no one’s realized she’s missing is high. It would be best not to put hopes on someone looking for her and coming.

That said, when they notice I’m not there, I can only pray that the Bear President sends out a search party. Ramis will be beside herself with worry; it’s fine as long as she doesn’t go overboard and do something rash.

For the community’s reconstruction there’s also Ramis, but I think I contributed quite a lot too. If I’m not there, the community will lose one of its connections and the reconstruction work will be delayed… this kind of convenient interpretation of the situation probably isn’t the case.

While I’m thinking these things, in this room wrapped in the stillness of the night, *click*, a small sound echoed. As I focus my gaze in the direction of the sound, the doorknob turned and the door slowly opened. So they came after all.

“Oi, are we seriously gonna do this?”

“I bet it’s been building up for you too, but if you don’t like it, you can go back, daze.”

“Th, that’s not it, but you know, naa, that’s got no waist and is all lanky, and dirty all over; and she’s got no sexy parts at all.”

“As long as she has a hole I don’t care about all that.”

“And what are we going to do about Boss’ orders not to touch her?”

“No worries, just flash a knife and if you threaten her she won’t tell.”

They’re having a vulgar conversation in hushed voices. The number of guys is three, huh? The lower-grunt Gugoil isn’t participating. He had a terrible day; since the Boss threatened him, he’s probably ended up lying low.

I still have the option of making a ruckus by shouting “Welcome!” at my loudest sound setting, but since a basement with high sound-insulation is a standard in this kind of situation, honestly, I have doubts on its effectiveness. This place has the feeling of an improved prison.

And if I give them a scare, I’m worried that these guys will cause a mess and hurt Hyurumi in the chaos. There’s also the possibility of them going crazy and breaking me to death in order to keep me quiet.

If that’s the case, what should I do? Those guys are slowly approaching her, drawing close and appraising her; their gazes are creeping all over her entire body like they’re licking her all over.
I have no time to spare. I should try that.

“O,oi, hang on a sec. That magic-tool box is glowing, zo.”

Right before they touched her skin, one of the fellows smacked his comrade on the back with his eyes glued in my direction.

“E, wh,what the. The products are being swapped out … no, his shape is changing too.”

“Th, this guy is, awesome! There’s a really detailed naked woman drawing-. Over here’s a really seductive, erotic underwear get up. This body is way beyond ero.”

The three together are plastered to me, their gazes fixed on the magazines across the glass – – the so-called porn-mags.

Recently they’ve declined since you can use the internet, the vending machines with porn-mags that is, but even now I know where they’re quietly residing.
Alright, and now’s the real deal. I send out 6 editions from my opening, dropping my specially selected porn-mags.

“Oi, a product went and dropped zo-

“For reals? Lemme take a look.”

“Me too me too-”

Kwahahaha, take that. Getting fired up when faced with Japan’s eros for the first isn’t uncommon at all. Especially with the ones a vending machine sells; since you can’t check the insides of that kind of book before you buy, the cover is major in how they lure in customers.
The pose and angle have all been calculated in. When other world people, with an undeveloped sexual culture, see this porn-mag, I wonder what will happen.

And then, selecting from among all the ones I’ve bought, I have full confidence that the contents of the books I handed over are magazines that will deliver. I also have a lot of the works that are the types with horrible content after being fooled-.

A, no. It’s because I’m a vending machine maniac, it’s not because I’m interested in this sort of thing; I really only bought them for part of my collection. By no means did I sneak out of the house in the middle of the night, checking that there was nobody around, just to buy them.

Recently, since there’s the internet, without any difficulty each person has the possibility of satisfying their sexual desires. I use it myself so I probably don’t have any right to nitpick, but just let me say it.

The worth of hard-earned eros is completely different from the things you can get with a single click!
For example, even if it’s that cheap thing where the contents are completely different from the cover, no matter how much your hopes were betrayed, that becomes something you’ll definitely reminisce over, because you live in the flesh!

… This too, previously, during the consultation with the sex-related business owner Shirley-san, was one of the ways I thought of as a disease counter-plan. Maa, in the end, I didn’t have this mode, though. I mean, it would have been something like having my own preferences spreading throughout the community, na.

“Uwa, how did they get such an accurate drawing? This is awesome, I can’t take it.”

“Wh, what’s with these huge boobs. E, you can do that?”

“No way, no way, no way.”

They’re being pulled into it on the same level as middle-schoolers whose sex-drives have just awakened. They’re absorbed in reading and have completely forgotten about Hyurumi’s existence.
Up to here, it’s gone just as planned. The problem is from here on.

“I, I’m not going to go through with the assault. I just remembered I have to do something.”

“Wh,what a coincidence. My stomach hurts too, so I’m out.”

“The,then, let’s go back.”

All of them are hunched forward for some reason and, both hands clutching one magazine each, they left the room like that. There was also the possibility of them getting excited and pouncing on Hyurumi, but in the end sexual curiosity won out.

Even at the risk of them assaulting her, satisfying their lust in this way was probably the better decision. The clothing designed to arouse that they had never seen before on the voluptuous women and the photos of them intertwined alone were enough to give them a shock, looks like.

I mean, the models for the magazines have strangely great bodies, and their faces are also beautiful. I shouldn’t let the kill-joy opinion about how the latest image-processing technology is amazing out of my mouth.

Whichever way it ended up going, at least their ferocity would have been dulled.

If it went down the bad path, with her being assaulted, I was going to somehow manage with making a loud fuss and Barrier, but it went well so it’s all good.

The door closed, and those guys’ forms are gone. Hyurumi is, not even knowing she was going to be assaulted, still fast asleep.  If those guys will calm down for a while with this, then it can end without meaningless conflict.

I can’t run on my own power, and the things I can do are too few. No matter how I think about it, it’s impossible for this girl to pick me up and carry me. If you’re not Ramis it’s not possible to lift me by yourself.
Now that she’s not here, I understand how important she was to me. –tte, this totally sounds like I broke up with my lover.

In the end, the things I can do are buy time and hinder. I absolutely don’t have enough points to get another Divine Blessing. That being said, the functions won’t really be useful, but I’ll go over them one more time.

Quite a bit of bit of time passed as I weighed the left over points, wondering what I should take, and Hyurumi woke up.

FWAAAAAAaa. Haa, I slept so good. Yo, Hakkon.”

While casually raking a hand through her disheveled hair, she faced me and raised a hand. When she awoke her clothes had gotten all disarranged, but forget about it being sexy, “sloppy” wins hands down.

She arched her back to stretch out her joints, but even though she thrust it out, there’s no swelling at her chest. I don’t think we’ll get the punchline that she’s actually a man. Though if we’re just talking about how she talks and acts, she’s totally a guy.

“Right, what’s today? Though I want to investigate your functions more.”

In the middle of her sentence her stomach made a large sound, and Hyurumi scratched her cheek with a finger.

“My bad. It’s ‘cause I didn’t eat much, since I was watching out for weird things put in my food, I’m super hungry.”

That so. Then, I will treat you to a meal. She’s been rubbing her arms and legs for a while, so they must have gotten quite cold. Then, it should be cup ramen is what I’d like to say, but if her stomach’s that empty then let’s first go with the oden that you can eat right away.
First I’ll drop the oden can, and when she takes it, then I’ll provide the cup ramen.

“This is warm, na. A completely sealed container, huh … bend here and pull, uoooo-, I can’t handle this. What a tasty smell.”

With a gobble gobble, eating it all heartily, she finishes off the oden in an instant and drains the soup; now it looks like it’s time for the cup ramen. She was a bit confused on how to use the hot water, but somehow or other she got the hot water poured in and sat cross-legged on top the table, humming while she waited.

Repeatedly opening the lid a few times, poking the noodles to check their state, and then closing it again, she looked just like a kid. She also devoured the cup ramen quickly and, since she looked like she still hadn’t had enough, I gave her a new product, canned bread, to try out.

“This fluffy thing inside the can, it’s … bread-! So stuff like this exists too; you gonna totally bankrupt restaurants, zo. This is seriously good; ain’t it just soft?”

I can’t say her way of eating or her flattery is elegant, but just watching how she eats like it’s so delicious will make me happy.

With her stomach satisfied, rubbing her swollen stomach, she relaxed while using the fork that came with the cup ramen in place of a toothpick.
Right then the door opened with a klack, and the grim face of the man they called Boss appeared.

“Looks like you’re awake. Did you figure anything out about that box?”

“Aan-!? Why the fuck do I have to listen to YOUR orders-!?”

I wonder where Hyurumi, in this situation of being kidnapped, gets the nerve to jeer at a fierce-looking, large man. I don’t see even a smidgen of fear. I wouldn’t be surprised if her heart was made of steel.

“You’ve got guts. If you enter the group, we’ll welcome you and treat you good.”

“Sorry, but I ain’t got no intentions of listening to villains or getting treated by them.”

“Oi oi, you should act tough in moderation. You want to meet the same end as your friends?”

“Keh-, those guys ain’t my friends. They only my hired escorts.

So she hired escorts. Maa, of course, huh? However you look at it, there’s no way a girl who doesn’t look like she’s trained her muscles would be exploring, wandering alone on a level full of monsters.

“But you know, though they was just hired with cash, I ain’t gonna forgive you shits who killed them-!”

“Ha-, and what can one powerless woman do? I’m not the patient type. So, yeah, in two days, fix this box, and get the gold coins out from it. Got it?”

The boss said only that, then walked away.
Hyurumi made a slashing motion with her thumb across her neck, sticking out her tongue.

A grace period of two days, huh? By then, will we make a plan to break out, or if nothing changes will she be killed, or will she meet something worse than death? I have to do something.

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<T/n: Thank you MC, NK, RC, JG, and Glashmonster for your donations!
Left out the A/N again, since it was about how there were 2 updates. Which is, once again, impossible for me, so …
To think that p0rn is now a word that shows up on my blog… orz
I am almost done being a cheapskate and making all my window treatments. Translation pace will pick up soon after that.>



  1. funny part of this all is they really think that they can threaten her with him in the room…..
    ignorance is bliss ahahaha

    all he would have to do is activate his barrier and they would go flying into a wall with quite a lot of force.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Only an uproar? There are several caffeine-deprived folks there right about now…

      But yeah, when they find those thieves, it’s not going to be pretty. 😀


  2. “Keh-, those guys ain’t my friends. They only my hired escorts. = “Keh-, those guys ain’t my friends. They’re only my hired escorts.”

    “But you know, though they was just hired with cash, I ain’t gonna forgive you shits who killed them-!” = “But you know, Even though they were just hired with cash, I ain’t gonna forgive you shits who killed them-!”

    Nice chapter 😀


    1. Hyurumi’s bad grammar is on purpose, mimicking a kind of brusque way of speaking in American English that often drops or “incorrectly” conjugates the “to be” verb
      But thank you for looking out for me 🙂


      1. Hyurumi’s bad grammar is on purpose, based on a gruff way of speaking in American English. I’ve gotten several comments in the past on how excessively putting in the Japanese endings, like “daze”, “neendayo”, “dazo”, etc is difficult to read (and I agree), and for Hyurumi, it would be in the middle, as well as the end, of sentences, so I chose to translate her way of speaking by using a rough manner of speaking.
        If her manner of speaking wasn’t mentioned by the MC I wouldn’t have bothered because using cusswords alone would prob have been sufficient, but since it’s a huge part of her character I mussed with it.
        She’s supposed to sound like someone trying to act like a thug


  3. Meatbun delivery~
    Thank you for the chapter ( ●w●)

    Aww.. and i thought that hakkon forgot to change his product and have an embarassing scene where she caught hakkon selling tose magazine..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for the chapter (っ´▽`)っ. Is there a vending machine that sell guns? If so, they could use that ▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一


      1. Are you sure your “Writer’s Block” didn’t have anything to do with SGDQ? =P


      2. lol, no, I actually forgot about that until yesterday. Looks like I’ll have to watch youtube vids later.
        I was just going through a “low point” where I ended up just staring blankly at the keyboard and deleting everything I typed for hours on end. Forget Japanese, English wasn’t even making sense to me.


  5. So he broke up with Ramis and is with Hyurumi now. Honestly I love this adorable tomboy better. All Ramis has is big boobs and stupidity muscle brain…


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