VendM 021: Abductors

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Jidou Hanbaiki ni Umarekawatta ore wa Meikyuu o Samayou
Author: Hiru Kuma


With the guys breathing hard while they continue to beat me, I check my Status.
If Defense could be raised, then there’s the possibility that other abilities can be raised. First is, Endurance.

《Would you like to spend 1000 Points to increase Endurance by 10?》

So Endurance can be raised. But the ratio of consumed Points to increase is low, na. If Endurance increases by at least 100 then I’d raise it without hesitation, though. I wonder how the others are.

《Would you like to spend 10,000 Points to increase Strength by 10?》
《Would you like to spend 10,000 Points to increase Agility by 10?》
《Would you like to spend 10,000 Points to increase Dexterity by 10?》

You mean it’s only 1 order of magnitude more … Strength, Agility, and Dexterity are stats that vending machines don’t need, so I don’t have any plans to raise them, but it’s pointlessly high, na?

Just maybe, if I raised Strength or Agility, if I shake the vending machine from side to side I might be able to walk. If it’s possible, it would be pretty amusing, though.
No matter what I can’t get Magic Power to go up. It looks like I can’t be the explosive magic vending machine. Too bad.

“You guys, about that much is enough.”


A, it ended. Since my Endurance had reduced by about 30 before I increased Defense, I look pretty terrible.

“Oi, this guy ain’t repairing zo.”

“Th,that can’t be. He definitely fixed himself before. Right before my eyes! O, oi, you bastard, hurry up and heal those wounds!”

Nope. I’m going to continue pretending to be out-of-order like this. I don’t even feel a bit like providing these guys with drinks … A, no, I changed my mind; let’s give them some drinks.

“Gugoil, if this is broken, you know what will happen, na.”

“R,right-! O,oi, you box bastard, hurry up and heal those wounds! I bet you’re just pretending not to be able to move, right?”

Oh, he’s panicking, he’s panicking. Maa, I’m leaving the wounds as is, but I’ll send out a drink so calm down.

“B,boss! A product came falling down! S,see, it’s not broken!”

Enough for everyone, those guys gleefully gather the fallen beverages. Be grateful to my kindness dazo.

Maa, I guess it’s fine. For now, give me one, I don’t care what.”

The drinks were distributed to all members.  They opened the caps almost simultaneously; the guys who had worked up a sweat assaulting me swigged it all at once.


Hack, cough, wha,what the!?”

“Shit, are you freaking serious!”

How’d you like the taste of my careful selection of the worst 10 juices? Whenever a vending machine had a new product lined up I would go buy it without hesitation; if there were great hits that I got, of course there was also great misses too.

It makes me wonder if the manager in charge has no sense of taste, that beverages so unbelievably bad would be good enough to sell. On the light side, they mixed all the vegetables that taste good with mayonnaise and add carbonation, and there’s also adding all the strong-smelling Japanese toppings with carbonation … both of these have to be from the same manufacturer, I bet.
There are quite a few other ones that deviate from the norm; I have yet to see the bottom of the depth of the beverage manufacturer industry.

“This guy, are you sure he isn’t broken?”

Maa, whatever. I’ll figure out what to do when we get back to the hideout. If by chance he’s completely broken, Gugoil. Don’t think we’ll let you off with an apology.”

“Y, yessir.”

With the Boss threatening him, his face is pale and it’s like he’ll collapse any minute. I don’t have a bit of sympathy for him, so I don’t really care, though. In the first place, it’s because of this guy giving them this idea that it’s turned out like this.

If I keep this up they’ll think I really did break, and because of that they’ll treat me super carefully. It’s great that stage one has been completed, but in the end, nothing actually changed for the better.

When we reach the hideout, I wonder what I should do there. When it comes down to it, I can’t think of a plan at all. I guess I can’t do anything else but wing it. If it gets really bad, I’ll resist with Barrier.

From then, without selling anyone either products or a fight, we reached our destination in about two hours.

We proceeded through the forest on an animal trail that was a little better than the gravel path; in this place with an abundance of nature, an unnatural structure was there. It was a huge hole in a wall; when we reached it, it turned out to be a rusting fortress on the brink of collapsing. Compared to the Hunter Association it’s on a smaller scale, but it was probably originally quite the sturdy fort.
Looks like quite a few years have passed since it was abandoned; it looks like a fun spot if you want to explore ruined buildings, with ivy entangled everywhere.

“Boys, bring that inside. There, have that check him out.”

“Got it, but I can’t see that listening to what we say.”

“If it comes to that, I’ll just have your head separated from your body.”

Hii- U,understood!”

Let’s downgrade the bit-villain to lower-grunt. But anyway, I wonder who the “that” they’re referring to is. It doesn’t seem like he’s a comrade they hold much trust in, though.

Laying the vending machine me down, it’s going to take six people to carry me, like I thought. The heavy-weight me who takes six people to somehow carry can be lightly carried by Ramis; she’s really beyond normal, na.

The side double doors have hinges that look like they’ll give out when hit with a heavy shock; when we intruded into the dilapidated fort, the inside was tidier than I thought it would be. The hall-like place was furnished with a full-length, handmade-feeling long table and a number of chair settings.

The large sofa along the wall is old, but seems of good quality. So they clean the floor diligently; there also isn’t any dust accumulated anywhere. He has a face like a heinous octopus, and yet he likes things kept nice and clean.

Just when I think we’re going to continue and go up the stairs at the end of the hall, looks like we’re heading towards the iron door in the right corner. When they opened the creaking door, right there are gloomy stairs leading downwards.

Like they were carrying a portable shrine, we descend the stairs and then head to the back; there were two men dressed in metal armor looking like they were keeping guard, watching the front of a door shut with a bolt. It’s a situation like they have some heinous prisoner shut up under surveillance.

“Is that behaving?”

“As long as there are magic tools, that suddenly becomes obedient, making clattering noises.”

“What an easy to understand woman. Maa, if we give her this, she won’t get violent either, I bet.”

I’m eavesdropping on the bad guys’ conversation, but I’m understanding less and less of the person up ahead.

As he pulls the bolt and opens the door, he remains vigilant and readies the spear in his hand. I wonder if there’s some wild beast that likes magic tools in there.

“Oi, we brought back one of those toys you like so much. Figure this broken thing out and turn it back to its original self.”

Aan-?! You bastard, who the hell asked for your smart-ass mouth? You lower than shit bastards don’t get to order humans around-!”

The threatening voice you could hear filled the entire room. When he heard those words, the lower-grunt was depressed; being unable to come up with even one comeback, he averted his eyes and had me placed in a corner of the room.

“H,here is this guys’ documents. Take a good look.”

Ha-, didn’t your mama ever tell you to look people in the eye when talking to them? Or is it, you so scared, of this weak little girl yoooo-?”

A woman with a powerful delinquent1 tone is staring intently. Though this person is a woman, her height is pretty much the same as mine, just a little shorter, about.

She has long hair the color of milk tea bundled in the back, but it looks like it’s only tied back to get it out of the way, so there’s a bunch of strands of hair sticking up.

Her slanted eyes are narrowed, glaring at the surprised me. From her thin, pink lips she spat out a “Cheh-!”, and even now it seems like she’ll spit on the floor.

I think it was white at one point, but she’s wearing clothes that have become mottled with brown and black all over. Above it she’s wearing what I thought was a black coat, but if I look closer, that’s a lab coat dyed black, isn’t it? The front is left open, and thanks to the clothes that cling to her body, I can tell her body type.
I unintentionally looked at her chest about twice; there’s nothing there. There’s basically no bulge.
She’s one of those, tall with a grim face and small breasts. The exact opposite of Ramis.

A-n-! Those guys left it and ran away. Only in running away are they first class. And? What’s this? They said something about some documents.”

Picking up the stack of papers left on the ground like it’s a pain, she gave it a look. Looks like this bad-mouthed girl is one of those people it would be better not to get too involved with. Like this, it feels like it would be better to pretend that I’m a harmless lump of iron.

“Hey, that true? You a magic tool with a conscious?”

So the documents mentioned that, huh? If I continue to play dumb, it feels kind of pointless-ish. She has a bad mouth on her, but she seems to be on bad terms with those guys, and they say that the enemy of your enemy is your ally. N-, I’m troubled as to how to respond.

A-, don’t tell me, you on guard thinking I’m one of those guys’ friends? I’m a victim of being kidnapped and held here by those guys. No matter how ya see me, I’m a somewhat famous magic engineer na. Looks like I was brought to investigate you, mister.”

If what she says is true, then it’s my fault this woman fell into these circumstances. If I continue pretending to be just a normal vending machine, then it would be way too cowardly.


O-, it seriously talks! Uooo -, for a magic tool to understand words and respond, it’s the first time I met one. Getting captured isn’t all just bad things, na.

Her narrow eyes opened wide; the listless mood she had up until a moment ago disappeared, and breathing roughly she drew close to me and looked me over from corner to corner.

“Can I ask ya some questions?”


“That mean’s “yes” according to the documents, na. Then, I wanna ask … whoa, my bad. First should be names, huh? My name is Hyurumi.”

E-, I think I’ve heard that name before. Don’t tell me, in a place like this we’re meeting, even before meeting Ramis. This girl is the one Ramis was trying to get me to meet, her friend, the magic tool engineer, Hyurumi.

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  1. yankee – the punk kid delinquents of Japan

<t/n: Hyurumi is an “ore”-ko, aka, refers to herself with the very masculine pronoun, “ore.” Strangely enough, I didn’t take many liberties with her speech. She seriously speaks like that. Though, her slightly bad grammar is on purpose. I did change the punctuation after her “Aan-“s, since I wanted to differentiate between the Japanese thug “Aan-?!” and the hentai “Aan~”
I love Hyurumi.
I’m starting to ease into translating Vending Machine. The MC isn’t just a sassy-pants vending machine, he’s also trolling now … well, the author puts a lot of “character” into his characters, so it’s getting to be a little more fun.>




    1. For the other translator’s sake, he (or she) didn’t drop it, I just asked to take it over so he (or she) could try out other series. No down time between the two of us 🙂


  1. thanks for the chapter, can’t wait for more 😀 was worried for a bit cause it was a while since a new chapter came out


    1. No points are too many to troll the baddies!
      … Seriously, I think that’s his personality. As wasteful as it is, it’s wonderful.


      1. Writing as someone who’s lived in Tokyo (albeit briefly), those sorts of drinks exist, and they taste as horrible as can be imagined. There’s something about the Japanese psyche and the need for trying out new, trendy things.

        Watch out for “sports” drinks, too. Because sometimes they contain nicotine. Yep, nicotine.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for the Chapter!

    Just want to point out a little mistake. The point cost is Strength, Agility and Dex is 10.000, while Endurance costs 1000. 😉


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